Looked At Your Bio And Went Hmm. Me Too

If they talk about Trump in a positive light one more goddamn time I am going to kill myself :) /hj

They still think that I'm on the Trump Train (what my grandpa calls it,,, *vomits*)

[ID: a crudely drawn person giving a thumbs up while crying. The caption says "Me trying not to scream but instead half-heartedly agree when my grandparents say shitty things /END ID]

Diary Entry #21

This one is very angry and talking about transphobes (and also a brief mention of sui attempts/sh) so... i don't know here's your warning

I don't know why I'm so nice to my grandparents. Even in the letter I'm going to give to them when I move out I can't help but to let myself be a rug for everyone in my life.

I got my grandma a refurbished new phone. I got my grandpa very nice stuff too. I'm constantly being nice to them. Every time I'm nice to them a part of me reminds myself that these people abandoned the real me for being trans, essentially. They shut me down every single fucking time I try to tell them "THIS IS KILLING ME PLEASE GOD HELP."

There's nothing I could ever say to even let me do something simple like cutting my hair. They're too prideful, too concerned with their reputations.

They love deadname, they love her very much, but they despise August and wish that the true me would go away. But it won't, because of course it won't, because it's who I am. They would rather let me mutilate myself and try to kms than maybe, MAYBE listening to me.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just killed myself. I can't die a girl, but I have no idea what else would make them listen. And even then, they can console themselves with the false notion that they tried to save me. But it wouldn't be true, and we would've both known that.

They are nice 95% of the time but the ugliness of their ideologies shine through sometimes and disgusts me, and then I hate myself for being so stupid and thinking that they care. They care, but only in the sense that they care about deadname and not me. They couldn't even handle me when i thought I was a lesbian, what the fuck did I expect?

I keep on deluding myself that if I just say the right thing, if I try hard enough, if I'm agreeable enough, maybe they'd listen. But I know this isn't true, no matter how much I'd like it to be. I wish they were cruel more often, as awful as it sounds, so I had some leg to stand on, to not constantly doubt myself.

Every family member I've ever had has hates trans people, my aunts, uncles, father, grandmother/fathers, my cousins, everyone hates trans people. I don't know what we could've possibly done wrong to garner this horrible hatred.

I'm paranoid to come out to my coworkers because what if there's a transphobe among them and they report me? What then? I need to tell someone but there's no one to tell and it's tearing me apart from the inside.

I look at people on the street, at work, etc. and I know that statistically a lot of them hate me based on who I am. It's a terrible life to live, I don't want it but I have to. There's no one to help.

The full thing for anyone who wants it!

Hey there! I’m here from the whole reddit disaster.

Lemme introduce myself: my name is August, I’m trans and go by he/him/it, I’m autistic, and I’m very cool

DNI- proshippers, queerphobic people, trolls, etc.

Please follow- Pizza Tower fans, FNAF fans, queer folks, uhhh idk if you like my reddit stuff (u/augustoof) follow me!

I will talk about trans stuff and my special interests mostly. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

*writing my stupid little fanfiction*

*looks down at ipad*

[ID: a picture of a cat screaming superimposed on a simple background; the cat is screaming "WHY IS IT SO ASS???". There's an ipad which says "stupid fanfiction that isn't good but is bouncing around in my brain and won't leave". /END ID]

Meow

[Start ID: A picture of a grey hamster on a blue couch. Top text says “I can’t fucking take it”, bottom text says “seriously I’m at my limit. /End ID]

Tw- transphobia

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Today fucking sucked

Misgendered constantly, had to deal with my annoying bible thumping counselor being queerphobic, and I had to admit I wasn’t straight at my appointment (they ask for your sexuality for some fucking reason, I lied at first but my grandma said “be honest” so I told them the truth after that.)

Could someone please use my name (August) in a sentence with my pronouns (he/him/it) I’m not feeling too great rn.

You. Are. worthy.

Even if you never drive. Even if you need help with basic tasks. Even if you need help with hygiene. Even if you’ll never work. Even if you’ll need help for the rest of your life. You’re. Still. Worthy.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re useless, or that you don’t deserve certain things. You’re amazing, and I see you.

@lesgay-loser i saw you tagged this as needing ids so uh here I go!! sorry if it sucks I'm gonna try sometimes I'm overly verbose or not detailed enough so if anyone else sees this and can improve my IDs oh my god please send advice /gen

First image id-

[ID: a stick figure labeled "You" saying "girls need to stay OUT of gay spaces I hate fujoshis" points a gun at a stick figure labeled "weirdo who ships real people and asks gay people about their sex position unprompted (doesn't care)" with a shield, which reflects the bullet to a stick figure with multiple different labels reflecting different people. "This is about me isn't it (sometimes it actually is)", "achillian/mlm genderqueer women", "bigender gay guy", "gay trans man in denial", "trans woman who still feels connected to gayness/the gay community", "mlm girlboys", and "nonbinary gays afab". /END ID]

Second image id-

[ID: a stick figure labeled "You" saying "men can't be lesbians" points a gun at at a stick figure labeled "gross cishet man who thinks good dick can turn lesbians straight and doesn't care about consent" with a shield, which reflects the bullet to a stick figure with multiple different labels reflecting different people. "This is about me isn't it (sometimes it actually is)", "he/him butches", "lesboys", "nonbinary lesbians AMAB", "lesbian trans women in denial/the closet", "trans women generally who think you're calling them men and being transphobic", "bigender lesbians", and "genderqueer lesbians who are also cis guys". /END ID]

I wish people understood the way that "fujoshi" hate and "men can't be lesbians" sentiment and exclusionism regarding orientations keeps trans/genderqueer/nonbinary people in denial and closeted for longer.

being trans is so hard but i love it so much but waking up everyday is hard