The Rough And Tumble Erotic Story Of Disturbia By Molly Cupcakes, They'd Fucked Five Times So Far. Russil

I made Tom Robbins crack up! Score!

At the writers conference, famed novelist Tom Robbins had us do a writing exercise.

1. Write down your favorite word...  (Then we all read out our favorite words. Mine was Australopithecus. Say what?)

2. Write a first sentence of a story/novel/whatever, using that word... (Oh, if had known that's where he was heading!... So we read out our sentences. I had the class laughing.)  

3. Write a second sentence that connects to that first one and opens up the potential of the story.  (We all read our completed sentence pair.) Here's what I came up with:

"Most early hominids sported shaggy manes, but none had a more luxurious, enviable head of hair than Bob the Australopithecus. His sweaty female, Boo, however showed little interest in his chevelure and seemed far more jazzed by the rugged Javamen who had been beaching their sea canoes that morning." I didn't get a chance to explain away the time travel aspect... ;-)

A nutty short story called Sleepy Daze by Tumblr's how-to-shoot-a-squid, comically narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.

Possibly my favorite narration so far! The story follows a charmingly stoic poor bastard, a put-upon dufus named Justin. We track his hospital misadventures after his ear falls off one day - and starts talking to him!! The bloke gets beaten down by his harpie of an ex and by a sadistic nurse, but he keeps on going... and he's going to give his agent a heart attack.

There's a great rhythm to the writing in this piece, a lilt you wouldn't know without having lived somewhere near London. Chris asked for Estuary English, so I gave it my best shot! Thanks for the opportunity to do a longer piece, mate! (17 mins).

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

The Cleanup, excerpted from a novel by Ravi Kotecha, narrated by Russil Tamsen.  13 mins.  Written version here. A couple of young dudes from India - runaways from an earlier chapter - have inserted themselves into the business of smuggling guns and opium. They are now wandering around the rutted back tracks of Afghanistan, haggling and trying to spend as much of their arms trade money as possible buying up as much opium as their rickety vehicles can carry.  Wow, this was a vocal actor's challenge. Jumping between several Indian and Arabic voicings, phew!  I love picturing these exotic locales... And it's a nerve-wracking tale too: we're just waiting for the shoe to drop, for their hubris to catch up with them! That, however, would be part of a later chapter. I initially voiced the narrator as an Indian, but later decided to go with my regular voice. It's a tough call when the narrator is first person, but it seemed like too much Indian the other way. What do you think?

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

Here's the first of two dialogues, audio selections from the writings of the talented David Blanton aka irrationalgraceistaken, as narrated by Russil Tamsen. 5 mins. Original text here.

The chapter is amusingly risque. A Nawleens poetry dude shoots the shit in a cafe with a very imaginative friend who's trying to 'help' him write his novel. 5 mins.

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

Ladies and gentlemen: as promised, a second chapter reading from David Blanton's online novel, Casual Baby, as narrated by Russil Tamsen.  7 mins. Original text here. 

Behind a hatshop in the Big Easy, there will be a salacious encounter between the protagonist and one hip milliner/burlesque dancer who's curious and ready for some hot tongue action. But the novelist character has been feeling quite wobbly about reality.

[On a personal note: Ah, Louisiana. I managed to get rooked within 24 hrs of arriving in New Orleans the first time I visited.  Also, I'll confess to watching a couple of episodes of True Blood.]

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

The Old Man and The Sparrow, a touching short story by Sarah Dame (known around these Tumblr parts as flightedd), as narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.

Welcome to a warm, timeless fable about a debilitated old-timer. He's rejected by his grown children and burdened with regrets, but he is finally able to let it all go in peace. In this case, it's mostly thanks to a helpful little avian friend who is willing to fly just far enough to bring back news about cherished places and lost friendships. These updates put the old man's mind to rest - for the last time.

A simple story, so I felt drawn to using the kind of fireside narration voice one might associate with children's books and bedtime stories. If this doesn't bring a little tear to your eye, you might want to check you pulse to see if you are still alive...

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

Chilly film noir, a monologue written by Eric Boyd that was published in issue nine of The Fourth River.  It's called Anything For Johnny. Performed by Russil Tamsen. 10 minutes. Original text here.

Today we have a serious drama, just in case you were thinking I could only do goofy! We follow an inmate through the last bitter moments of his incarceration, his release from jail, and his first disappointing moments of freedom. It's rough for a guy having to start over with empty pockets in the middle of winter, but he's got one thing going for him: at least one Jamaican thinks he looks like Johnny Depp. 

[Funny thing: my gf thinks I look like Depp also, but it 's probably her rose-colored classes talking.]  All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

9. The Poet and The Thief, Part One. 

An intriguing short story written last year by Jen von Mountebank aka jayarrarr, one of our renowned editors here on Tumblr, and narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.

The four characters include a grungy thief who talks in an odd pirate-ish patois, an upset and pompous poet, and Woody Allen as The Narrator, who says he made the other two up. Now they're all sitting in the same radio theater jail cell. It's a philosophical dissection about whether it's even possible for a writer to avoid borrowing/stealing. (The language is a tad complex, so listen closely!)

Part Two here.

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

The Cleanup, excerpted from a novel by Ravi Kotecha, narrated by Russil Tamsen.  13 mins.  Written version here. A couple of young dudes from India - runaways from an earlier chapter - have inserted themselves into the business of smuggling guns and opium. They are now wandering around the rutted back tracks of Afghanistan, haggling and trying to spend as much of their arms trade money as possible buying up as much opium as their rickety vehicles can carry.  Wow, this was a vocal actor’s challenge. Jumping between several Indian and Arabic voicings, phew!  I love picturing these exotic locales… And it’s a nerve-wracking tale too: we’re just waiting for the shoe to drop, for their hubris to catch up with them! That, however, would be part of a later chapter. I initially voiced the narrator as an Indian, but later decided to go with my regular voice. It’s a tough call when the narrator is first person, but it seemed like too much Indian the other way. What do you think?

All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!

Back in March of this year a well-established author approached me to do an audio book for her. I had done erotica narrations before; this one was a bit of a stretch for me, being a gay erotic romance. Came out pretty well, actually! Lots of fun character voicings. Even some steamy humor, all fresh out of the oven and for sale! Pass along 2 your gay pals...