Hey So I Discovered Your Page And I Noticed You Got A Knack For Art Which Really Impresses Me And So

aren't you tired of being nice? don't you just wanna go apeshit?

His def not listening

Pose reference:))

Here's the other one I used from that last one:)))

TW: mental health, dissatisfaction, and more. Lil vent thing

I kinda miss being depressed. Not depressed as in I’m diagnosed. But I kinda miss the most recent time I was able to feel

I know it’s weird. Back then I wished to be like this. To be unable to feel. I wanted it so bad. Wanted it to take the pain away. And when it happened I was okay with it. After all how could I be happy. I haven’t been able to be happy for years now. But now that’s not even sad because I can’t feel that either

Even if tears start to from. Even if my face is drenched in them. I still feel nothing. It’s still empty. It’s a hollow show of emotion. A emotion that isn’t even there

I can’t be sad about this. And I can’t be happy about this

At first I was fine with it. Saw it as a good thing. I was happy to get rid of my emotions, and be able to live my life without constant stress, sadness, and dread

I’m not mad I’m like this. Not upset. I can’t be. But I’m kind of growing tired of it. I’ve been unable to feel anything for around 4 years now. It was nice at first. As nice as it can be when you’re like this. But now I kind of want to go back

Not forever. Just for a few months. Kind of like a refresher. So I can remember what it felt like. What my thoughts were. What I acted like. It would be good for me. Realistically I need to heal, and starting to feel again is apart of that process. And it’s gonna be a painful one. I don’t think I’ll feel happy for a while when I start to feel again

But that’s not what I’m referring to. I want my wish to come true. To feel absolute despair for a few months. Maybe 3, or four. Not too long. I want to feel awful. I want to be connected to that part of me. I want to remember exactly what it felt like. Rather than being so disconnected

What’s weird though is that if I went back I’d likely long for this again. No matter what we always long for the other situation. But for me I haven’t longed for happiness. I haven’t even considered it as an option

Probably says a lot about me

It’s a little hard to stay focused on this, and to come up with the words. And to write it at the same time. And to remember my thoughts before I started writing. I hate thinking of ideas so perfectly then forgetting them before I can write them

So many beautiful thoughts faded away

I also wish I didn’t have random incorrect spelling lines all over this post even when they are meant to be gone. There is one above a word right now. There’s not even anything there. And it’s from the previos post I think. I could close this, and it probably would reset, but I don’t care to. I kinda hate the replacement lines which is what these actually are I guess, but who cares

Back on topic

Now it’s gonna be hard to start thinking about it again

This is gonna be so long and these useless bits aren’t helping. Oh well

Now back for real. Not that anyone’s reading this anyway. Hi

It kinda sucks being disconnected. At first it was nice. I didn’t feel awful, and got to keep all the good. Like the memories, getting ‘happy’ from music, and other things occasionally, and having opinions

Now though it’s kinda got harder. I do have opinions of course, but they feel harder to grasp. They probably always were since this started, but still

It’s harder to know if I like a song when I try to listen to new stuff. It’s so rare for it to actually make me physically feel something. I don’t feel anything mentally so I have to rely on guesswork, physical feelings, and any shows of emotion my body decides to do. Like smiling, laughing, quickened heartbeat, and crying. I think I’m pretty good at being able to guess what I’d be feeling in the exact moment I’m in. Right now I’d either feel nothing, or be crying for talking about my feelings. Then I’d also hate myself for crying, and being weak. And if probably be degrading myself because I think I deserve it

Sorry that’s a big paragraph

Is mental self harm a thing? I’m not talking about occasionally saying something bad about yourself in your head. Which isn’t healthy either, but not the topic. I’m talking about the thoughts you get at night when you’re all alone with them

Pointing out everything you hate about yourself until you cry. Telling yourself why things would be better off for everyone if you died. How they’d have more time, resources, and money if you were never born. And you just constantly waste then

Anyway

I want to at least feel physically happy again. I want to feel my heart crushing in a good way, and want to squeal. Stuff has made me feel like that recently but not recently enough. I enjoyed listening to strawberry gashes for at least an hour. And Pretty by Kidneythieves. I loved thinking about a ship I’m Hyperfixating about

But nothing is giving me that anymore. It always sucks when it goes away

I just took a few minutes break from this, and had a pretty good cry, and thought some good thoughts. Don’t know if this helped me at all, but it’s something. I had thoughts. Not feelings though. But I cried, and yeah

Can’t really continue this. I don’t know if I can get back in the track I was on. Goodbye

So Gacha Life 2 came out recently. It’s in beta, but honestly I’m surprised it exists at all. There’s a lot of cool features, but I hope some more is added, and I hope more black hair is added. So I made my oc, and I will put it below the read more bar for those who don’t want to be spoiled

I was also able to make Bill Cipher because I was curious if I could, and I can. It was a little difficult, and it’s annoying to pose him, but I did it! I can post him as well if anyone wanted to see him. Maybe I’ll make more Gravity Falls characters

Pet Names

Bonus:

They used a VPN to keep Bill out lol

You've already been asked a question about what would have happened if the Project Mentem had been used on the Bill.

But an important detail was not asked there. Is it even possible to protect Bill's thoughts from Bill? How would that even work? Would it be like a situation with a curse that prevents Bill from realizing how the door handle works? But only now Bill won't understand anything at all, everything will be a mystery to him.

I think you're interpreting the line "encrypting your thoughts so Bill can't read them" too literally.

I don't think Project Mentem works like "encrypting your thoughts shields them from BILL SPECIFICALLY AND ONLY BILL THIS IS LITERALLY AND EXCLUSIVELY AN ANTI-BILL MIND SHIELDING MACHINE AND IT WILL ALWAYS WORK ON SPECIFICALLY BILL IN ANY CONTEXT."

I think Project Mentem works like "encrypting your thoughts prevents mind readers outside your head from reading them; Bill is the mind reader we're specifically trying to keep out, here, so he's the one I'm mentioning."

Encrypt Bill's mind and that won't stop Bill from reading Bill's thoughts, any more than encrypting Dipper's mind would prevent Dipper from reading Dipper's thoughts.

It would mean that—for example—now Kryptos or Hectorgon can't read Bill's thoughts.

I got a new notebook yesterday! 2 actually, but this is the purple one

There is also a black one. I drew my oc in it, so I could have a new profile picture. It turned out pretty ok. I just finished it while I am playing dnd with friends. I am going to make a digital version, and then replace my pfp

The mouth was so difficult to do it never turned out right, and I didn’t want to do a closed one. I still need to fix the teeth when I make a digital version

hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

I finally decided to look through my pictures, and videos and delete stuff I don’t need, and

I found some old pictures one is of LPS bill cipher. I forgot I made these honestly

Wrath of the Wishmaster

You asked, you shall receive.

Thanks for helping me clear my writer's block. I might write more scenes that happened prior to this, but enjoy what's here for now! Might post to AO3 later, who knows?

Enjoy babes!

Word count: 2,500

There were many things Scarab did not understand about the Wishmaster, Prismo.  Many… Many things.

Why did an all powerful being decide to spend its eternity making pickles and writing fan fiction of the universes he observed?  Why, of all things to add to the featureless Time Cube, was there a hot tub?

And why, above all, did he tolerate all of Scarab's... strangeness?

Because no one liked bugs.

That was the lesson Scarab had learned in his eons of existence.

No one liked bugs.  At least, not the kind of bug he was.

Of course, people like butterflies.  They liked to watch the pretty and dainty little things as they flutter along.  But only from a distance.  People still recoiled if they got a good look at their face.  Or anything that reminded them that they’re bugs, and not just living little splashes of color.

And Scarab was no butterfly.

He was a beetle.  Was?  Is?  He wasn’t sure anymore.  So much of himself had changed since he first emerged from his burrow.

And yet, there was Prismo, calling his little chirps and trills "cute." Encouraging him to find places in the Time Room to burrow and hide and crawl.

There was Prismo, who didn't recoil at the site of his real face. Who saw his strange mouth and eyes and decided to kiss it all over, rather than hide it behind his mask again.

So no, he did not understand many of how Prismo operated. But Scarab was not about to complain. He felt more alive in his own shell than he has in eons. He kept his mask off more often than on these days. His hidden arms had seen more exercise than ever before. He was starting to remember the strange language of chirps and trills and buzzes from his old home.

Of course, there were still bad days. Days where he had to sit still and stare at something stationary just to remember what direction was up. Days where he crawled away into one of his hidden nooks to tremble out of sight.

He had been reluctant to let Prismo in on those days, at first. He held up walls and scooted away and flinched enough to get the Wishmaster to back off for quite a while.

But, as he came back into contact with himself, and as Prismo called him beautiful and quirky, rather than disgusting and unsettling, the walls came down.

He wasn't ready to tell him what happened to his antenna and wings. But, Prismo was at least there to turn the screen wall to something calming. Or to rub his aching back and shoulders on days where he could do little else but shake.

It was... nice. He hesitated to call it wonderful, but it really was. Much better than a bug deserved, but he was not about to remind Prismo of that.

No, he had Orbo to do that for him.

He knew he had grown far too comfortable with Prismo when he heard the orb roll into the Time Room, loudly calling for his buddy the Wishmaster. Who was not currently there, but instead tending to his pickles for the moment. He trusted Scarab to watch the main room for any wishers, which he had been doing diligently from his perch on the ceiling.

Scarab froze, stuck to the ceiling like he was pinned there.

Maybe if I don't move, he won't notice I'm here.

It was a nice thought. But when had the universe been nice to him before?

"Uhm... Scarab? Mate? Whatcha doing up there? I thought we cleared up a while back that that creeped people out."

Scarab stayed silent as he crawled back down the wall. He ignored the way Orbo visibly shivered at his method of locomotion, standing at attention once his feet touched the floor.

He unconsciously made a nervous, light buzzing sound, his mouth parts clicking together as the orb stared at him like a disection project.

"So, what's all this then? You think just because Prismo's not here, you can do whatever you want? I thought we talked about this forever ago, Scrabs. You might be just a bug, but you got raised to the pantheon. You gotta act like it."

Orbo rolled to look around the Time Room. Scarab reached gingerly for the remote, trying to alert Prismo to their visitor.

"Seriously, I still feel bad enough for Prismo to get stuck looking at you when you were at your best. If he's stuck with you, it's the least you could do to not creep the guy out. That's not how you show appreciation, Scrabs."

Scarab tried to tune it out. He wasn't creepy, not to Prismo, Prismo called him beautiful, insect traits and all. Orbo swung around to look at him, now noticing his face.

"Where's your mask, man? No one wants to see the horror show your kind calls a mouth. It's bad enough when we have to watch you eat, you can at least put the rest of it away."

Scarab felt small. Tiny. Just like he did when he first met Orbo, who took one look at him, and decided he wasn't meant for the glittery Judgement Hall. He barely even noticed when he shuffled the plates back over his face.

"Much better. So, where's Prismo then? Not like I came all this way to talk to you, right?"

Orbo laughed. Scarab didn't. He just kept his eyes trained to the floor, still quietly chirping to steady his nerves. His world started to feel tilted. What he wouldn't do for his cane right now.

"Cut it with the noise, mate. It's like you've forgotten you're a god or something. You want to go back to the dirt? Is that it? I can talk to Boss for you, if that's what you want."

"...No. That won't be necessary."

"That's what I thought. Now, where in Glob's name- Oh, Prismo! Buddy, there you are!"

Scarab didn't look up to acknowledge the Wishmaster's presence. He felt so tiny. Just like a gross little bug pinned to the wall.

"...What are you doing here, Orbo?"

That made Scarab look up. Prismo's tone. All the warmth had been sucked out of his voice. There was an edge to it. One that the beetle had never heard before, not even during the whole Fionna and Cake disaster.

"Aw, mate, can't I just come check on my good buddy? It's been ages since your last party, man. Us at the office are just itching to groove again. We'd love to see you!"

Prismo's expression was unreadable. Scarab wasn't used to not being able to read the Wishmaster, he was usually an open book. The blue eye shifted between Orbo and Scarab subtly.

"Just haven't been in the partying mood, Orbo. I've been having some friends over for board games, I guess, but I'm not planning on a party any time soon."

The star core seemed to catch Prismo's shifting glance, turning his attention back to Scarab. The beetle stood ramrod straight. Partially to not draw attention to himself and partially to prevent his body from shaking on uncertain legs.

"Oh. Prismo, buddy, why didn't you say anything sooner?" Orbo rolled back over to Scarab, smirking.

"Say what sooner?"

"That this dude was killing the vibe in here! I mean, I totally get it, I wouldn't want a party either if that was lurking in my place somewhere."

Prismo's expression hardened.

"Scarab's not 'killing the vibe' Orbo. He's been nice to have around, he plays board games with me, Cos, and Death."

Orbo rolled his eyes.

"Prismo, you're cool. You don't have to keep it quiet for his sake. Just say the word and I'll find something else to do with him. It's not the first time he failed to learn a lesson."

"I'm not keeping anything quiet. I like having him around. He's actually pretty cool when he's got the space outside of work, and you're being, like, really uncool, Orbo."

Scarab was stunned. He'd been the only one to ever really talk back to Orbo. He'd never expect someone to do it on his behalf.

"What? Me, uncool? Pris, c'mon, mate. You're allowed to say he's creepy, we all know it. He's a bug. You know, those little creepy crawlies? I thought I trained most of the creepy stuff out of him by now. I know you're everybody's buddy, but you really need to make sure the lesson stays in his head if you don't want him weirding you out. Like, I came in here and he was on the ceiling! Looked like a ghost or something. And without his mask! I thought I made it clear his face is a horror show. Thank Glob I got him to put it back on before you had to see it, bud. It's a real doozy, I'll tell ya."

The beetle wasn't looking at Orbo anymore. No, he was watching the growing horror on Prismo's face. Horror not directed at him for once.

"Dude, Scarab's not that bad. A bit uptight when he's stressed, but still a pretty cool dude. Why should he have to hide so much? This is the Time Room, you're supposed to relax in here."

"Oh, Prismo, you sweet dream child. Scarab's not cool. He's not like us, you know?"

"Like us?"

"Buddy, you're the dream of one of the greatest living wizards in the multiverse! I'm the core of a collapsed magic star! That's where gods like us are supposed to come from! Scarab though? He's just a bug. A creepy crawly cockroach that somehow made it up from the dirt he's meant for."

"Didn't he manage to take down a galactic level threat that you couldn't catch?"

"He got lucky." Orbo looked annoyed. That usually ended well for no one. "Knew I should've finished his punishment before he came here..."

"I thought this was his punishment."

"Oh, no, I'm talking about his punishment for trying to start a revolt. Went over my head to the Boss! All over that nonsense with that unauthorized universe of yours. I was gonna take his legs. Maybe should've pulled out his other arms as well. I still can, if you wanted me to, mate."

The silence in the Time Room was deafening. Scarab has seen a lot of expressions on the Wishmaster's face. Contentment, sadness, boredom, amusement, joy, frustration, all of it.

But he had never seen rage. Not until now, anyway.

"What?"

Orbo seemed to completely miss the change in atmosphere, as he carried on just as before. "Oh yeah, it seems to be the only way he actually learns. Thought the antenna would be enough, but nooo, Mr. Buggy Bigshot still thought himself better. I really thought the thing with the wings would've gotten through to him, but I guess not."

The lights in the Time Room went out. Not even the stars from the void outside shed much light into the cube. Scarab never thought he'd miss the sickeningly bright yellow of the Time Cube, but he's permanently paint his shell its color if it would turn the lights back on.

"You. Did. WHAT?"

There was a guttural hiss coming from where Prismo once was. Blue what replaced by a bright purplish pink, staring down at Orbo and Scarab. A friendly smile was replaced with jagged teeth. Fingers replaced with claws. And a growl rumbled through the cube.

Scarab didn't think. Just acted. He opened himself a passage into the lower levels of the Time Room, scurrying in as fast as his legs could carry him. He could faintly hear Orbo yelling after him, but he ignored it completely. The adrenaline let him ignore the pain, ignore the feeling of constantly tipping over. All his instincts told him was run and hide.

He crammed himself into one of his many makeshift burrows, backing as far into the hole as possible.

Prismo was angry, he knew that much. Anger meant pain. Anger meant he'd lose another piece of himself. What would it be this time, he wondered.

It didn't matter he knew Prismo would never hurt him. It didn't matter he knew he probably couldn't be hurt like that while in this form. All he knew was to curl up and hide.

And so he did.

He shook, in fear and pain, and waited. For what, he wasn't sure. But he didn't dare come out of his cubby.

So he waited.

He didn't know how long it was until he felt the familiar tingle of light against his back. He flinched, a frightened trill falling unwillingly from his throat.

"...Scarab? Sweetheart, are you there?"

...At least he sounded like Prismo again...

"...Yes... Yes, I'm here."

"Good, good. I... I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I don't like what I am when I'm like that but... What Orbo was saying... Your wings..."

Scarab felt his elytra twitch under Prismo's touch. The ragged scraps of wings shivered as well, as the beetle sighed out a soft little chirp.

"...It is the way of things, Prismo... Orbo is not the only one with thoughts like that. It's what I've been taught for eons. No one likes bugs, after all."

There was a long silence after that. Prismo was looking at him with a sad calmness. He reached his other arm into the hole, petting a hand over the parts of his face he could reach under the mask. The bug shivered pitifully into the touch, trying and failing to resist the urge to lean into it.

"...You deserve better, Scrabby."

That's what did it. That's what broke the dam.

Scarab wept into Prismo's hand, shaking hard enough to make his carapace rattle.

"Shh... It's okay, honey... Can you come out here?"

It was slow. Almost painfully so. But he managed to peek his head out of his hiding spot. The Wishmaster gave him a kind smile, if not a sad one.

"Can you let me see you, beautiful?"

Scarab hesitated. Orbo's words echoed in his head, loudly, cruelly.

"...I'm not pleasant to look at, Prismo... Much less beautiful..."

"Nope. Not true, Scrabby. C'mon. Let me see that pretty face of yours."

"Prismo..."

"Please, Scarab?"

The beetle sighed. His face plates shivered again, tucking behind his head. His eyes stared, wide and wet at the Wishmaster. A soft kiss was planted on his forehead.

"There we go. Much better."

Scarab refused to start bawling again. Instead, he climbed the rest of the way out of his burrow to curl against Prismo's chest.

"You don't have to worry about Orbo anymore, by the way. He won't be coming back. Not for a few eons, at least."

Scarab didn't choose to question it. Not right now at least. Instead, he closed his eyes as Prismo's hand pet gently over his aching back, the beetle unconsciously opening up the elytra. The dream's hands were always careful when working around his sorry wings. They made the ache go away.

Scarab began chirping. Softly, at first. But it slowly grew, morphing into a simple, but filling cricket song. He heard Prismo softly join in with a light humming.

He might've been just a bug.

But it turns out at least one person likes bugs after all.