Good evening, friends, let me tell you some Secrets on how to argue like (and with) assholes. I’m writing this because I keep running into a particular asshole, and I need to stop engaging with them, and so this is an instruction sheet for myself as well as you guys.
First, try to avoid assholes; they don’t deserve your time and energy. But, if an Argument is unavoidable, here are a few tips on how to emerge unscathed.
Let go of the idea that you’re going to win.
You’re not gonna win. Nobody wins in an argument with an asshole. But, on the other hand, you can make them lose. You can deprive them of their entertainment and their triumph.
How???
Do not present your side of this debate.
This is so counter-intuitive for most of us who believe in things like, oh, science, or real facts, or the idea that real facts can be determined by science. Here’s a cool terrible thing about humans: certainty has nothing to do with facts. And when people are certain, that is when they become assholes.
When someone’s only goal is to win an argument, any real evidence or facts you give them is just ammunition for them to turn against you.
You will not convince them. So what should you be doing?
Destroy their arguments.
This is a thing of joy, because it’s what assholes are used to doing. They are, at heart, morons who don’t know how to construct, only how to destroy.
I used to be super emotional about arguments like this. I couldn’t think of anything to say while the other person ranted on about their horrifying bigotry. Now I’m a lawyer, and I’ve learned to weaponize my essentially nitpicky nature. For money.
So here are some easy tactics you can remember and deploy:
- Make them define the words they use. Nitpick the definitions.
- Turn questions back on them. If they ask you “why do you believe x”, ask them why they believe y. If they pull some “I asked first” shit, ask them why they’re afraid to defend their beliefs.
- Call them emotional. If possible, pick out specific emotions. This is especially devastating when you’re debating a man, as he will get more emotional as a result.
- “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.” Making people explain mean jokes can be a delight; they just wilt the more you question them about the underlying assumptions.
- Laugh at any especially dumb shit. Like they use some slogan or catchphrase that’s obviously untrue, due to science, or essentially ridiculous, like “we’ve made America great again,” and you just blurt out laughing. If they get mad, tell them – oh, so sorry, I’ll shut up, I’m giving you the floor to talk about your beliefs. I’m respecting you. This is a goddamn power move. It gives you the high ground, and also the implied control over the situation. The floor belongs to you, but you are yielding it to someone because you can.
- If they make an awkward exit, let them. Especially if they call the discussion “political.” It means they’re feeling attacked. Graciously allow them to retreat with their tail between their legs. If they storm off, allow them to do that too. Congratulations; you’ve ended the argument and you don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Basically: hand the asshole a shovel, and let ‘em dig. Relieve yourself of the burden to convince them they are wrong, and just sour their fun instead.
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Additionally, these are the tactics that assholes use, consciously or subconsciously, all the time. Recognize them. Once you know what they are, you can become immune to the intimidation and belittling tactics.
Good luck.
A hidden-message ring, from the 1830s.
Reblog to make it happen
trans boys? amazing. valid. handsome
trans girls? incredible. perfect. beautiful
nonbinary ppl and otherwise noncis ppl? awesome. wonderful. stunning
Tone indicators :D
i dont fucking trust ppl who r neutral on ace ppls place in the lgbtq community. they fucking belong here. by saying youre "neutral" or "dont care/dont want to pick a side" youre literally making things worse. i wont fucking tolerate it. asexuals are lgbtq and you can fucking die mad about it.
not to be too humorless but i really feel like we could all do better when it comes to thinking critically about the images we pass around as memes. like, is it a picture of a kid? is it a picture of a likely unstaged act of violence? is it a picture of someone who doesnt know theyre being photographed? is it a picture that was fine in a particular context but could cause real problems for the subject if widely circulated? we have to owe each other more than this
To The Substitute Art Teacher - Jordan Bolton
The idea that *any* sexuality doesn’t include trans people is inherently transphobic. Straight? You can be into trans folk. Gay? You can be into trans folk. Bi? Pan? Both include trans people, because we aren’t some other entity that needs a special category for you to be into us. We are our genders.