Already Too Much

It doesn’t get easier…There isn’t an answer…But there is a right thing to do.

I used to believe that qualified adults were less afraid and more proficient in handling critical issues. I thought that perhaps their age, wisdom and expertise granted them skill and grace in handling human desperation. I now know it doesn’t get easier.

I know now that when someone close to me first opens up to me about self harm, suicidal thoughts or actions, etc. I will always be initially choked by fear. And every time, I will push aside my fear to talk with them. I think all who have opened up to me have been worried about causing this fear. This initial fear comes from love and an overwhelming desire to keep my friends safe. The initial tightness in my chest comes from knowing that now in context my actions and words matter. It’s terrifying, but I can’t let it petrify me.  

This initial fear is worth the knowledge.

Ignorance does not make it better.

The initial fear is mitigated by presence. To be there. To be committed to being there.

And I assure you, dear anonymous reader, that it is worth it. That this presence, commitment and closeness is worth the fear.

As life has progressed, I have spoken with and listened to presentations by several professionals, trained in helping people overcome mental health struggles. I’ve been told the same things on repeat.

I’ve come to realize that they don’t have the answer either. There isn’t an answer. It will never not be hard. There is no answer, and it will never be easy, but there is a right thing to do, and there are things that make it less hard.

The Right Thing To Is To TRY.

There are resources, some of them are good, some of them are not. Some of them make it better, some of them make it worse. You have to use your best judgement, your intuition, and do the best you can. Sometimes the best you can do is sit somewhere with someone and listen.

What Stress?

You know how Advil has those adds? Hostess should too.

One piece of information, a test of character.

If you could give the man on the tractor only one piece of information, and had to choose between the following, which would you choose?

a. the moment produced about the point at base of the tree is (-16.5i + 5.51j)kN-m

Or

b. Your distance from the tree is less than its height, if the tree falls faster than your tractor moves... you splat

Credit due to R.C. Hibbeler Statics&Dynamics 14ed

Censorship of Suicide Prevention?

The other night our dorms held a “Trick or Treat in the Halls” event for the children in our Martian settlement. Prior to this event there were prepatory events, pumpkin carving, door decorating and removal of posters and signs deemed inappropriate for youth.

Some of these things made sense to remove. But among the things that were mentioned as necessary to cover, I wonder about two.

First of which is a cartoon ghost wearing a bra on a sign explaining the risks of breast cancer. Maybe it’s bad maybe it’s not. But doesn’t breast cancer awareness include the children? Don’t they see the advertisements on television? I’m not one to advocate for something being okay just because it’s been seen or said before, but I’m unsure that this needs censorship?

I am against the censorship of the suicide prevention sign. To censor this implies that the children won’t be affected by mental health issues before they are too old for the trick or treat event. This event includes children up to 12 yrs old. I was 9 the first time I recall mental health related struggles affecting those around me, but in all honesty I may have been somewhat aware of it even before then. I wouldn’t be introduced to suicide prevention till six years later.  I don’t think this is unusual.  When I mentioned this at one of the events, the others around me in a similar age group, the same ones who’d been planning to cover the sign recalled similar occurrences. They noted that they’d definitely known about these things to some degree by 5th grade. We can’t prevent these from being things that our youth have to deal with and giving them inadequate resources makes them things that they have to deal with alone.

In my experience, the deliberate censorship of mental health made it harder to speak about it because it seemed “bad”. Censoring it in the same way that drugs, alcohol, sex and excessive violence were made it seem like something that I “wasn’t spost’ to be aware of yet”.

It’s just a couple signs and in all honesty I don’t think their removal matters in the grand scheme, but I do have to ask: Does it make sense?

Welcome to life on Mars

“Reality ...is FICTIONAL” -(Rainbow Kitten Surprise)

As the days pass and the news gets continually worse as restrictions come and go like the push and pull of the tide (or a sine wave), I find myself in a daze, feeling like this reality is closer to some distopian fiction than anything that could have ever been real....but it is. 

I find myself listening to music and dancing in my cubical of quarantine, because “Because there's nothing else to do” (Pulp, Common People). I danced classical ballet for many years, but lately I’m finding I need music that is far louder and more psychedelic. With that in mind... here’s a few songs that feel oddly fitting right now.

 “American Hero” by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Because man does Reality seem Fictional Right Now

“Once in a Lifetime” by Talking Heads

How did we find ourselves here, I’m just “Letting the day’s go by”

“Common People” by Pulp

“watch your life slide out of view And then dance [...] Because there's nothing else to do

Anything by Tame Impala Especially 

“It might be time”

“Feels Like We Only Go Backwards (Artic Monkeys Cover of this is good too)

“The Less I Know The Better”

“Yesterday” by the Beatles 

My God, How is this not dystopian fiction? How is this not just a book I can toss aside? 

Stay Home if you can my friends. 

Dance in your dorm rooms. Binge watch television from your couch. Work out till you have abs as good as Angelina Joe Lee in Tomb Raider, then watch Angelina Joe Lee in Tomb Raider, then play some Tomb Raider. Skype your best friend and play two truths and a lie. Read the Martian (Andy Weir)... Twice, then Watch the Movie, then study aerospace engineering. Read “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” (Douglas Adams), complete edition (duh), then pretend you’re an alien for a day. Whatever you do, be safe my friends.  

Injustices on Mars: 200 years of Backwards Thinking

Several young women have expressed to me in the past week their frustrations with improper treatment and I would like to speak here regarding the attitudes that are unfortunately still present in the universe.

A student looking who dreams of designing hospitals and other places of healing that have a more positive affect on the mentalities of their inhabitants. 

A mechanical engineering student pursuing her education far from her family, looking to improve the world she lives in, whether that be her home country or America.

A freshman nursing student, who came looking to obtain a top tear education, that would ultimately provide a pathway to help those who need it most. 

Three intelligent young women who are both capable of and motivated to change the world for the better. All of them have overcome obstacles to ultimately leave their homes and families far behind to come study on Mars. These young women, are students deserving of our highest respects and yet I am anguished to hear of the unkindly and demeaning way in which they have been treated in this particular community. 

Our first student in seeing a freshman struggling, became somewhat of a mentor for this student. She shared with him advice she had learned on the subject he struggled with, and surviving school in general. He in turn treated her as something to be obtained, and saw it fit to text her with questions that... did not pertain to studies. 

Our second student, living in a whirlwind of learning about both engineering and other cultures and yet smiling through it all. I think we all have much to learn from her. This young woman came to me to discuss engineering. She wears a ring on her left hand, worn as a way to deter young men. She expressed that someone was speaking to her that “wanted to be more than friends” and was not deterred by her expressed lack of interest. So, having learned that a ring worn on the left ring finger is an American indication of being committed, she began wearing one. 

She is committed. Committed to her studies and herself. She is clever and I hope her promise ring keeps its promise of deterring those who don’t listen to her. That said, this is an approach I have seen used before in this community and elsewhere with mixed effectiveness. The unfortunate nature of this approach is that it only deters those who have enough sense not push unwanted attention on those who are committed to someone. The issue here is not that people are expressing romantic interest, but that they are not respectfully heading requests to discontinue certain behaviors. Another unfortunate drawback to this method is that it deters people whom one might actually be interested in getting to know.

Our third student, excited in the days approaching college, started talking via social media to another student. They talked almost every day and she was excited to have a friend at school who had been nothing but kind and respectful. Her ‘friend’ began to express interest in taking her to a school event. She hoped that her ‘friend’ would meet her in the library so they could talk. This is when he expressed that he didn’t have enough time to bother for a conversation and made implications that suggest he was only kind to her at first in hopes he would get to be with her for what many do after this particular school event. She has found other accompaniment for the school event. 

These young women have shown exceptional strength in not allowing idiots to affect their studies, but they shouldn’t have to. This kind of thing happens everywhere and time and time again these young women will have to show strength in the presence of the universe’s worst, but these attitudes are not consistent with the direction the world is headed. I have omitted from this writing things that were said that I feel more specific than needed in this context. I find this behavior particularly ridiculous as the organization approaches 200 years, pledging pretty words of honor, respect and dignity, while preserving ideas that should have died in the last 200 years. 

Additional Statement:

Other events have also elapsed in the past week that lead to me writing this particular piece. The female representing figure was removed from a gender neutral single stall restroom, leaving women to have to find an alternate restroom on the other side of said building and leaving few options for those who do not fit the binary genders. Meanwhile an individual originally dismissed for predatory behaviors was allowed to return.  

I would also like to point out that these occurrences do not only happen to women. In this sometimes stiflingly traditional culture, I have seen objectification and mistreatment of a great diversity of people in a diverse number of forms. I would like to suggest this is not the kind of diversity that we should encourage.

I would like to formally conclude with a request. Students, Mentors, Creators, Be Respectful to the best of your ability, and when the best of your ability isn’t good enough, Get Better. Most of all it is important to Try.

Please Don’t Be Ashholes. And don’t say things worthy of Vogon poetry. 

The best laid plans of Martians  & “I think it’s gonna be a long long time”

I packed my bags tonight, pre-flight....

And everything went south from there, and not in the way I intended. 

After much deliberation and anticipation packed and climbed into my MAV. This was after, I should note, clearing the frozen Martian precipitation from my windshield. And yes, I know what you’re thinking ‘snow can’t fall on mars’, but due to the atmospheric regulations in this particular valley it does, and what was particularly relevant to me this afternoon was not the particulars of how this is possible but more the difficulty of clearing it from my vehicle. I did so in only the most sophisticated and intuitive manner (utalizing a baseball cap, sock and plastic butter knife when I discovered my car lacked a snow scraper). 

So at long last, I began the journey.

And then I had no breaks. I do not know what is wrong with them, and I wasn’t about to use my education in engineering to stand out in the cold and figure out how they work, or more accurately why they didn’t. I decided I was satisfied with sayin’ alive. 

So my night went south, without me actually making it any further south. Ah well “the best laid plans of mice and [martians] so often fall astray” (Burns, To A Mouse). I guess it’s gonna be “a long long time” before I get home again (Elton John, Rocket Man).

Wasps in Engineering

This morning I awoke early, stirred from my rest by the sound of "Travel" playing at the time specified the night before to my personal device assistant. I reviewed thermodynamics in my quarters before dressing hastily and heading off a bit behind schedule, while consuming nourishment from a pre-packaged tube (Go-gurt). It was a day in the typical martian life.

Upon arriving however, I discovered a hoard of people crammed outside the room, rather than seated and chatting with as usual. Their exclamations were soon made clear. Our particular room in the Hab, was overrun by wasps. Why they were there, no one could say, perhaps the inhospitable conditions outside drove them in? Then again, whose to say why any of us were there.

Our executive Starfleet officer instructed us to not disturb them as they circled, otherwise activities continued as usual, pardoning the occasional interruption of a flying creature.

It seemed, contrary to popular belief, the redshirts were more afraid of the wasps then the wasps were of them.

Stardate 73155.1

Sol15

Earth date 9/9/2019

Today I try oat milk. Discovery: oat milk tastes very little like milk and very much like sad oatmeal.