My Life Is Falling Apart

No one is probably going to see this and maybe no one is going to care but I’m so so tired and I hate always saying that. because I’m not ALWAYS like down and tired and sick of everything. there’s days where I smile so hard my cheeks hurt and I feel like the world is the best place to be and life’s amazing and I’m so happy and nothing has ever gone wrong in life.

but I feel something will go wrong and I start getting scared. Like I’m a little too happy and it’s scary because something will go wrong won’t it? like yes my dad is smiling and making jokes and he’s being attentive and he’s giving advice that’s actually nice and helpful and full of love….but how long will that last before he like you know like… before he does what he does like…

how long before everything goes to shit and life’s a grey and gloomy and everything in me is calling for me to run and run and never look back. Which I can never ever do because I’m trapped.

I feel

so so so

old

over the garden wall is a perfect cartoon. it’s short enough to watch in just over an hour on halloween night, perfect for getting your spooky on, you will literally be thinking about it for the rest of your life

not to make any callous remarks but i do think the ever-increasing bans on public religious (read: muslim) displayal (whether in banning mosques for not fitting the landscape or banning hijabs at school or banning burqas and niqabs in public or having police harass women wearing all-coverage outfits at the beach or making laws that state employees have no legal rights for prayer breaks) in european countries, many of which have large and growing right-wing parties, is one of the many outward signs that fascism is politely entering european politics again and europeans are just welcoming fascism with open arms

If someone would just whisk me away….

my new roommate said that her last roommate had an eating disorder and then talked to me about her clean eating and weight loss goals and how she buys clothes that are a little snug to motivate her to lose more

and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???

like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food

how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals

how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?

where is the fucking line???

and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable

when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones

your fucking Whole30 or keto or whatever “clean” diet you’re on is just as restrictive as the diets we create for ourselves due to our disorders. but we are the crazy ones, right

I’m so lonely

Standing with Palestine

Always have and always will

🇵🇸 🇮🇪 🇱🇾

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