https://archiveofourown.org/works/63436504
Rating: G
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Words: 1.8K
Chapter 1/?
Summary:
Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around. “Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that. And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.” It was all he ever said to her.
Princess Bride AU
Astrid grew up in a farming town in the kingdom of the Berserkers. Her favorite pastimes were flying her dragon and tormenting the farm boy who tended to her wealthy family.
The farm boy’s name was Hiccup. Though she didn’t call him that.
Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. All she really knew growing up was his dorky crooked smile and his kind eyes that never left his freckled face despite the treatment he endured. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around.
Even after she pried out of him that he was banished chieftain royalty, even after he grew from a lanky kid to a lanky teenager, his kind eyes never stopped shining that bright green.
“Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that.
And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.”
It was all he ever said to her.
They grew closer. It felt inevitable in a way.
With the Hofferson household being one of the few in the kingdom to hold dragons and Hiccup’s love for them it seemed they saw each other every day. While he would brush or clean Stormfly's scales, he would rattle on about the different types from where he came from.
When she was 12, she just assumed he didn’t know dragons were rarely spotted and were considered odd to own.
When she was 13, she started to approach him of her own free will and tell him to do various tasks.
It was at 15 she realized that she loved seeking him out.
“Farm boy,” She would say, coming up to him as he was struggling to chop wood. “Fetch the dragon's water would you?”
Their eyes would meet and Astrid could never recall nature that was as green as Hiccup’s eyes.
She paused, “Please?” She added, suddenly very aware of the thin scar on his chin and his puffy spotted cheeks.
Hiccup nodded and said as he always did, “As you wish.”
This continued for months until she realized she was in love with him.
It continued on even farther until she realized that when Hiccup was saying “As you wish.” What he really meant was, “I love you.”
She was 16 and throwing her axe in the woods when she caught Hiccup watching her.
“Farm boy,” She called. She looked up at the axe she was about to grab right above her, “Fetch me my axe.”
Hiccup walked up slowly, now just as tall as her, and grabbed the axe stuck in the bark of the tree.
“As you wish,” He whispered while handing over her axe to him, his warm fingers grazing hers. She felt a smile creeping up.
It was later that day under the sunset that they shared their first kiss. It was wonderful, it was exhilarating, and most of all, it seemed to fill her life with meaning.
She hated that she loved this farm boy so much. She hated herself even more because the fact was that she desperately wanted to marry him. She knew she never could.
Despite that, she loved his grin, his now growing stubble on his chin at 17, the fact that he was growing muscle, how he towered over her, how he laughed, and everything about him. Astrid grew to know Hiccup as him , rather than the intriguing farm boy. She loved pulling him to the side and kissing him senseless in the stables. She loved his sarcastic nature. She loved his unruly hair that was so much fun to braid. Even when he complained that he really didn't need the tiny braids. She loved how stubborn and kind he was. She loved Hiccup.
It was 18 when they got engaged. He gave her a necklace that was his mothers as their betrothal gift and her eyes welled up with tears and she gave him kiss after kiss in thanks.
But Hiccup was still an exiled poor farm boy. He had no money for marriage and Astrid’s parents refused to pay. So Hiccup decided to find riches across the sea. He packed his belongings and said goodbye to every dragon the Hoffersons owned. She waited for him by the doors.
The moment she saw him, she pounced, wrapping her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest.
“Don’t go.”
“I have to Astrid.”
“What- what if I never see you again?”
“Astrid,” Hiccup pulled away suddenly and looked into her eyes, expression serious. “Of course you will.”
“But what if something happens to you? I won’t be able to protect you.” She felt irritation and want bubbling beneath the surface. She felt need. She needed him to stay.
Hiccup suddenly cupped her cheek, forcing her to look back up at him. “Astrid. Remember this. Hear this now. There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always .”
She smiled sadly and leaned her forehead against his despite the raging storm happening in her chest, “I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”
“I can’t imagine a world without you in it either.”
“Make sure you come back. Promise me.” She demanded, feeling a burn behind her eyes.
“I promise. This is true love M’lady, it doesn’t happen everyday.” He grinned and kissed her softly. “There will always be an us. Trust in me, your scrawny, twig of a fiancé. Okay?”
“Right. Of course.”
“Love you.” A peck on the lips.
“Love you too. Come back.”
As you wish.
Hiccup never came back. His ship was attacked by the infamous dragon master Drago Bludvist and his crew of dragon trappers. Drago never left captives alive. When Astrid got the news, she trained so hard that her axe became dull and her vision was blurry from tears. She felt foolish.
She needed to hit something. She needed something to tame her anger, her grief.
She joined the Berserker guard.
She beat all of them and became the best in her class, pouring all her anguish into becoming something Hiccup wouldn’t recognize.
4 years later, and her talent caught the eyes of Oswald the Agreeable's son.
5 years after Hiccup's death, at the age of 22, she was to be married to Dagur the Deranged. It was announced at a festival with Dagur standing on a balcony with General Heather. The kingdom cheered.
“In a month from now will be the kingdom's 500th anniversary!” Dagur said with a manic grin. “In a month I will be marrying the best Berserker guard that we have ever seen! I will be marrying a commoner like you all!” Dagur giggled suddenly, “But now she will be above all your tiny insignificant lives! I present to you, Viking Astrid Hofferson!”
And it was at that moment when Astrid walked out and looked at people who were just like her, did she feel emptiness consume her. She hated Dagur. She wanted Hiccup.
Astrid felt the wind in her hair as she flew with Stormfly across the vast forest. She sighed. This was her only free time and she cherished it daily. Flying with Stormfly was truly the only joy she had now.
Astrid has been layed back on her dragon’s back for around an hour when a shout from the forest floor caught her attention. Three people were waving. A short stocky man with a black bob and two blondes.
She flew down and the short man who she now discovered had a rather sad sense of style grinned smugly. Astrid narrowed her eyes.
“A word, my lady.” He said with raised eyebrows. “We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?”
Astrid observed the three. The short man didn’t look intelligent enough to deceive her but why they would try in the first place escapes her mind.
The two blondes don’t have much going on. The big bodied man with nervous eyes and baby fat on his cheeks doesn’t look threatening. And the blonde with dreads in his hair tied up to form a beard might be the only threatening person in the group if the mace strapped to his back was any indicator.
Astrid furrowed her brows in confusion and got off Stormfly. “No. There aren't any towns for miles.”
The raven haired man smirked cockily and suddenly clapped twice. The big man’s expression changed from anxious to angry and he charged at her. Astrid didn’t even have time to grab her axe before she blackened out.
The last thing she heard was. “Then no one will hear you scream.”
Snotlout was ribbing the royal crest off of the Viking’s bag. When Fishlegs became Thor Bonecrusher and attacked Hofferson, the dragon freaked out. A few well placed nets later and Snotlout had the bag strapped to its side.
“Yo, Snotman, what are you doing?” Tuffnut asked from where he was prepping a boat.
“Replacing the Berserker crest with the Berkian one. They are sworn enemies, thus when Prince Dagur finds her body dead on their shores, they will have no choice but to go to war!”
“You never said anything about killing anyone, Snotlout.” Fishlegs said from the side.
“I hired you to help me start a war!”
“I don't know Snotlout…” Fishlegs wringed his hands anxiously.
“Come on! It’s a very strong and prestigious line of work! You fit right in, especially when you become Thor.”
“I just don’t think it’s right.”
“Well I’m paying you and you seemed to agree with me when you're the manly version of you!”
“I agree with Fishlegs.” Tuffnut piped in.
Snotlout untied the dragon and placed the bag back on it, shooing it away. Perfect.
Snotlout hopped on the boat, “Well you two won’t be killing her! I will! Me! Duh!”
“I don’t know S…” Tuffnut shrugged.
“Don’t complain now! When I found you, you were drunk and eating toenails! You couldn’t think straight! And you!” Snotlout turned to Fishlegs, “Unemployed until I made Thor! I remade you into a better version of yourself! I can make Thor Bonecrusher no more! Do you want to be unemployed in Denmark again? I’ll send you to the edge of the earth!”
“The earth is round actually!”
“Shut up Tuffnut!”
Right as they were setting sail Tuffnut went up to Fishlegs, “Snotlout, he can…fuss.”
Fishlegs nodded solemnly, “He really likes to scream at us.”
Tuffnut put a hand on Fishleg’s shoulder, “He means no…harm.”
“He’s very short on… charm !”
Tuffnut whistled, “you are very good at rhyming Fishlegs.”
“Shut it, Tuff, Fishface!”
“S, are there rocks ahead?”
“If there are, we’ll all be dead!” Fishlegs added.
“UGH!” Snotlout yelled. “No more rhymes now, I mean it!”
“Anybody want a peanut?” Tuffnut asked.
Snotlout's shriek could be heard for miles.
katniss: how do you think haymitch won the games?
peeta: he outsmarted the others
haymitch in his games: drinks poison water, falls asleep in a blueberry patch without attempting to cover his tracks, tries to pet a bunny during the countdown, makes an alarming number of bunny-related decisions in general
Belos is the one most terrifying kids cartoon villains.
But why?
It’s because he’s tangible almost. He’s real.
Let’s break it down.
Belos is human. He can only be seen reflecting ourselves. While other villains are amphibian kings or godly triangles, or even in our own show- a child that holds way too much power, a woman who cursed her own sister, or a witch kid.
Belos is real. Belos is seen everywhere in the world.
Going further, let’s simplify him.
Belos is a religious dictator who says his way is the only way. He speaks for the Titan. And only he can do so. Any who disagree are damned for eternity.
Belos is a human whose core belief is that his race is the superior one. He’s from the 1600s where witch hunting is their culture and to be a seen or side with a witch is a death sentence. He takes this farther by believing that they deserve death and to suffer.
His beliefs and motivations are things that are inherently wrong yet he’s a political figure that people worship.
When he fails to indoctrinate his brother into his inherently evil ways, he kills him.
Belos is a person who goes against every message being pushed in the owl house.
He is against identity. He is a bigoted mad man. He is a religious cult leader. He attempts genocide.
Sound familiar?
Oh wait those are so many of our current government leaders in the world.
Belos is real in the sense that he is human in the sense that his history has happened and will happen again.
And that’s terrifying.
And important.
This mirror of modern times should terrify us. Because belos is only human and so are we.
If this doesn’t make sense, that’s because I’m sick and it’s the next day. This is my own interpretation but please reblog with your own thoughts because this topic is like one of my favorite things about TOH.
Talk to me…I’m a lonely soul…
Frieren quick color study.
Finally posted this, this artwork is so old.
*gently drapes a blanket over them* my shaylas...
Belos is the one most terrifying kids cartoon villains.
But why?
It’s because he’s tangible almost. He’s real.
Let’s break it down.
Belos is human. He can only be seen reflecting ourselves. While other villains are amphibian kings or godly triangles, or even in our own show- a child that holds way too much power, a woman who cursed her own sister, or a witch kid.
Belos is real. Belos is seen everywhere in the world.
Going further, let’s simplify him.
Belos is a religious dictator who says his way is the only way. He speaks for the Titan. And only he can do so. Any who disagree are damned for eternity.
Belos is a human whose core belief is that his race is the superior one. He’s from the 1600s where witch hunting is their culture and to be a seen or side with a witch is a death sentence. He takes this farther by believing that they deserve death and to suffer.
His beliefs and motivations are things that are inherently wrong yet he’s a political figure that people worship.
When he fails to indoctrinate his brother into his inherently evil ways, he kills him.
Belos is a person who goes against every message being pushed in the owl house.
He is against identity. He is a bigoted mad man. He is a religious cult leader. He attempts genocide.
Sound familiar?
Oh wait those are so many of our current government leaders in the world.
Belos is real in the sense that he is human in the sense that his history has happened and will happen again.
And that’s terrifying.
And important.
This mirror of modern times should terrify us. Because belos is only human and so are we.
If this doesn’t make sense, that’s because I’m sick and it’s the next day. This is my own interpretation but please reblog with your own thoughts because this topic is like one of my favorite things about TOH.
Talk to me…I’m a lonely soul…
As much as I love pondering what the httyd cast modern jobs are and what they do or study in college, we are ignoring the REAL question.
Who falls for the classic Nigerian Prince money scam?
Hiccup: Almost does fall for it. He’s smart but way too trusting of people. He would be suspicious but go along until he finds out it’s a scam either from Astrid or the Twins.
Astrid: Would see right through it. End up sending threatening messages back.
Snotlout: Would fall for it. Before he’s scammed, he brags about becoming rich. Afterward, he ignores everyone for 2 weeks.
Fishlegs: Would not fall for it. Politely declines.
Ruffnut + Tuffnut: Would end up convincing the scammer to actually give them the money. Succeeds.
Stoick: Ignores the email.
Gobber: Would fall for it right until giving the credit card info then scold them over email.
Heather: Would personally track the scammer down. Or would ignore it. There’s no in between.
Dagur: Falls for it. He’s threatens the person into giving him the money back. Gets more than what he gave away.
Viggo: Creates an elaborate scheme that ends up with the scammer losing everything they own, including the money that they tried to scam out of him.
Ryker: Ignores the email.
Johann: The scammer.
I’m only on s3 of rtte so if these don’t sound canon, that’s because they probably aren’t.
I think the s5 finale of she Ra is really the first time we see Adora really relax. Of her own violation. And honestly when she does at the end, it makes me wanna tear up.
Like you see her body physically melt. Her expression relaxes. She’s done. She’s free. She can just be Adora.
They/themLikes consuming media, art, writing, analysis, and my Ocs.I eat children for breakfast :3
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