3 Am Motivation

To the person commenting skibidi on all my posts

it was funny at first but you can stop now

Life is not an experience void of joy, so instead of yearning for value, go do the things that give you value!

You don't deserve your empathy.

This is a pretty provokative statement. But you don't deserve to feel bad. It is not a privilege you deserve. And the sooner you accept it, the faster you'll be capable of properly take responsibility of yourslef and your life. It may be the case that your parents are fucked up and/or idiots, that you have had to experience and endure some messed up shit, that your health isn't perfect, or that you wish you looked or felt a different way. But nobody promised you that life would be easy. And if they did, then I'm sorry, but they lied. There is only degrees of imperfect lives. Your life is exactly your specific degree of imperfect. Danish poet Dan Turéll said that "it's not easy to be anyone". The only certain part of human existence is misery and death, according to buddhism. That's why you shouldn't view the adversity that will (and it will) be forced upon you in life, and the same goes for hardships and mistakes. That's what life is. If you wanted to have a life without adversity, go play Homescapes. I can feel bad for you, if you perhaps grew up in a home with alcohol abuse and mistreatment, or if you have experiences severe disease or death in your close family at a young age. I am aware that some people get a shitty hand in the great card game of life. And it's never a childs fault, no matter what they are subject to. But that doesn't mean you are going to benefit in any particular way from feeling bad for yourself. At least not for long. Maybe you're capable of taking an objective look at recent events and say "yeah, that was total horseshit", or "yeah, that was millions to one, how unlucky". That you should feel bad for yourself, just like you would for any other person who went through those events. But once you've recognised that, leave it. Because if you keep it around, it'll weaken you up. The road to pitytown is a slippery slope, and once you're there, you let go of your responsibilities.

What you just described is like.. a critical chunk of the Human Condition.

The feeling of not being capable of the thing you're "meant" to do is such a human struggle, and it's something that everyone feels. It fundementally stems from the fact that our instincts are unaligned with our way of life, and when those instincts aren't met, we become miserable.

So we feel abandoned even if we are surrounded by friends and family, because we have abandoned ourselves by abandoning our instincts. We get punished, and try to compensate. By creating. We want to put our mark upon the world, to let others know we existed. That's why we built pyramids, and later wrote graffiti on said pyramids, and later yet made Tumblr posts about Greek graffiti on the pyramids.

And the thing is, creating doesn't fix the Human Condition, the same way acceptance of the loss of a loved one doesn't conclude your period of grief. But it ensures we can at least die knowing we achieved things. A small consolation, but nevertheless, we chase it. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The thing with humans is we create. We create such advanced things that draw deep parallels into our own selves. Not only that, we draw those parallels. We compare everything, we build those thoughts and put ourselves into the shoes of others.

And this is a silly thing to be upset about. I absolutely do know that. I watched the Steven Universe movie. Great movie, amazing music, adorable stuff. Mature as well of course, since the show itself has a lot of deep and important topics that are enjoyed by young and old.

I'm sure someone already said something about it before. But Spinel. She was sweet. Designed for fun. Designed for Pink. To avoid boredom, to keep her happy. And seeing yourself so plainly in another character and the parallels of trauma can be heart shattering.

To be created for someone's joy. And then they grow bored, annoyed. Bothered by your existence. They become too mature for your antics. They anticipate the trouble you can bring. Neglect, abandonment. To be left alone so long when all you wanted was to bring joy and pride. To know they dropped you off for others they did find joy in. To be forgotten.

Not only that. Knowing that you have trauma and don't really want to cause trouble in the end once you're awake to your actions, yet can't stop yourself. The pain runs under the skin. You lash out, and you can't take it back after. You can't begin again. Moving on is hard. You can't go back to your Pink, you can't fix those old friendships either. Or worse, Pink is your family. And now, you can't even go back to them either. The shock and darkness that would follow. It's just a lot to consider.

Because they are sure as shit looking at you.

Eyes of the forest. Aspen trees

Being happy isn't hard, letting go of the idea that you need to be happy is.

Ironically, you are happier when you accept you can't be happy all the time and it is okay to be neutral or even sad for long periods of time.

Nothing is worse than being anxious that you're wasting your life being sad, when in reality your life is being wasted on WORRYING about being sad. All emotions are pure, no feelings are wrong.

Enjoy the good times, appreciate the rest.

While you're right, entirely right, the thing is It shouldn't even be a 'i have to do x' in the first place. You should always get a reason for doing what it is that you are doing, otherwise dicipline will just be associated with negative feelings, and by that point it's back to square one of why we even go through the motions. The ironic exception is training dicipline itself, for which tasks that are inherently unnecessary are great.

You gotta want to do it, or failing that, at least convince yourself the task has meaning (If you're good enough at the skill of self-convincing, "getting the task done" can be meaning enough, too). Personally I just don't aknowledge the feeling of "I don't want to''. "I don't wanna go buy groceries" "Ah that's alright do it anyways"

So I guess what I really mean isn't that you can't recognise your own wish not to do something, but instead that you recognise it and just do the task instead of spending that expensive mental energy convincing yourself you HAVE to do it for your or someone elses sake.

Still, getting a free reason to want to do your tasks are a great thing, and is a boon you should cherish while you have it.

Remembering that time the Soviets pulled a 1:1 recreation of a B-29 (pictured) out of their asses, slapped a red star on it and called it the TU-4.

As far as I understand, they seemingly did this by attempting to make it a 1:1 replica, even when they had specific technologies or building techniques that were superior.

The Soviet Union also had to reverse engineer it from near scratch, as even the thickness of the Hull had to be figured out (America used imperial whereas everyone else used metric), and the very best thing about it is that their main motivation to do all this was to show the Americans that they had the ability to drop a nuke (which, mind you, they had just barely invented), with the whole 'we engineered your $60 billion dollar plane in two years" aspect merely being a bonus.

They made the plane as close as possible to prove to the US that they had a bomber that could attack the mainland, because that was easier than making a new design and proving what they wanted to prove.

This goes for men, too.

confidence guide for awkward girls 💫

LEARN TO SHUT UP. this is the first advice because it is probably the most important one, but the one that took me the longest to comprehend and master. girl, literally just shutting the fuck up does wonders. most of the times I was embarrassed out of my mind was coz I said something completely avoidable, only because I believed that being quiet was either rude or more awkward than whatever I rambled at that moment. bzzt, WRONG! being quiet means first of all being non-reactive, which gives you time to really reflect on what's being said and whether or not it even requires a response, and guess what; like 80% of the time, it does not. you are allowed to not respond, nod along, go "hmm" or "oh!" and leave it at that.

LEARN TO "FAKE" SMILE. this may seem controversial but it helps me so much. I've always been accused of looking mean, bitchy or just too serious, especially since I started to shut the fuck up (see previous item). and I am guilty as charged: I do have a RBF and when I am focused my eyebrow goes ò_o and I look judgemental and almost evil, and when I tried to balance it out by being funny or witty, it just came off even more awkward. the solution? I've started practicing a fake smile in front of the mirror when I was about 13 years old until I got the muscle memory of it so perfectly that now it's my response to nearly everything that I don't want/can't respond to. throwing an easy smile into a conversation will make you seem relaxed and in control even if you're bubbling anxious inside, and people will feel more at ease with you. also: learn to be generous with compliments, and try to make them your auto-response as well!

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF. comparison is the mark of insecurity and envy, and it's one of the ugliest and most useless habits you can have. yes, useless: what benefit do you get from comparing your face and body and circumstances to somebody else's? and please don't pretend you're getting "inspiration" from them. listen, you are your own lane. you are your entire universe. there is no other life to be lived, no other body to embody. this is it. these are the cards you were dealt with. the longer you try to peak into somebody else's cards, the longer you'll be ignoring yourself and neglecting your game. abandon ideas such as comparison, imitation or judgement towards others. confidence starts and ends with focusing on yourself.

LEARN TO CUT PEOPLE OFF. accumulating people in your life like they're pokémon is gonna be your downfall, because it's obvious not everyone can stay. imagine if a growing tree held onto all its leaves and branches, even the ones in obvious decay, how ugly and weak that tree would be, how much energy those dying parts would steal from the new ones in need of flourishing. it's the same with relationships. when someone disrespects you, hurts you, or simply doesn't align with you anymore, and you find excuses to keep this person around, what you're doing is betraying yourself, and how are you gonna have confidence in someone who betrays you? learn to cut people off or to simply let them go, and watch yourself become lighter and brighter.

QUIT BEING A BITCH. something people don't seem to understand is that the rude, conceited, mean girl persona is always revealed to be a small, petty and insecure rat on the inside. I've wasted years of potential connections trying to emulate the Blair Waldorf-y, Regina George-y vibes, trying to balance out my awkwardness with what I thought was their fierceness, because I was missing the whole point that their confident selves were lies. no girl or woman who is confident in herself spends any amount of time being a bitch, scheming to take people down, minding everyone else's business to make sure she stays on top. true confident people are kind even in the face of rudeness, they glow in shadows; their strength lies in tenderness. the sooner you give this mean girl show up, the better.

ABANDON YOUR NEED FOR APPROVAL AND COMPREHENSION FROM OTHERS. seeking approval is a very obvious trap but seeking comprehension is also dangerous, because the second people start doubting or questioning you – which is always going to happen when you decide to make a change of habits, traits, lifestyle etc – and you decide to explain yourself, you're accepting the premise that what you're doing is incomprehensible. if you're truly sure of yourself, there will be no need to assure others of yourself. if your peers or strangers don't understand it, so what? that's their enigma to sort out. respond to yourself and yourself only. if you understand and approve yourself, that's all you need, period. live for your damn self.

GOOD LUCK, LITTLE STARS 💫