Imagine Spider Finding Out Humans DO Have Stripes. They're Just Invisible To The Naked Eye, Cats Can

Poor Ttrong is holding back his friends from killing stupid metcayin teenagers😅

Seriously, the guy is the only voice of reason in this firestorm.

He's just like:

Oh, hell no guys!

And poor Oare hung face down on the ground.😆 Her little brother can be cruel, right?

My same line of thinking when I started writing stories about Spider and Michelle.

Me, running out of Spider Socorro healing his trauma through found family fanfic after searching through 50 pages on ao3:

bugs is…. shrimp????

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

he is their big brother, he has a responsibility and a need to make sure they know he loves and adores them. and he can't always rip off his mask.

I grew up in a house where we rubbed noses to show affection, especially when you were younger, so that's what inspired this. he def nuzzles them with his mask, I feel it in my bones. he does it especially when they're sad or gotten a bump or bruise out in the forest that he's tending.

The chapter where Spider is told to hide the identity of his true father had me thinking…what if he ran away after he revealed himself to Neytiri and Jake? He thinks that it truly is his fault their firstborn son died and that him staying here will only bring more chaos. He flees and lives a life of isolation to atone for his “tainted” blood. No one ever sees him again, but Spider does became a cryptid of sorts where Na’vi from all over Pandora whisper about a human who travels the road and helps displaced Na’vi find a new safe place before vanishing into the night.

Like some Robin Hood sorta vibes? I love it!!

There's loads of potential with it too, because Spider could actually go back to the villages that Quaritch attacked to try and fix what was destroyed...

Anon you might've just filled one of the prompts I was unsure about thank you!!

Costume. Chitons.

I had this idea of Tonowari and Ronal keeping Spider as a "ward" to keep a close eye on him, only to realize that something inside him has shattered.

Tonowari and Ronal make the deliberate decision to take Spider in as a sort of ward, not out of kindness, but to keep a close eye on the human and ensure he doesn’t burn down their village or is left to his own devices to cause trouble. Jake practically falls over himself agreeing to the arrangement, which leaves Tonowari somewhat baffled by how quickly he relinquishes the boy into their care.

But the real shock comes once Spider is living in their home, constantly under their watch. With the boy in such close proximity, day and night, Tonowari and his family see firsthand how traumatized he is. There are dark circles under his eyes, his skin is a sickly shade of pale, he flinches at the slightest raised hand, barely speaks, often stares into nothing, and eats next to nothing.

Tonowari has Spider shadow either himself or Ronal to keep him close and occupied, but the boy moves like a wraith, so quiet that they often have to glance over their shoulders just to confirm he’s still there. It’s… concerning. Human or not, aren’t children supposed to be loud, energetic, and full of life? From what Jake told them, Spider was always underfoot and excitable, eager to prove himself. What happened to this child to make him a shadow of his former self?

Against Tonowari’s better judgment, his heart fills with pain for the child. He was not the boy’s father, and the boy was not even of his people. But Tonowari had seen enough in this world to know a broken spirit. This was not a child who needed discipline or containment or judgment. This was a child who needed healing.

That night, Tonowari spoke to Ronal outside, his voice low but firm. “He does not need to be watched. He needs to be cared for. He needs to be taught to live again.” Ronal was quiet for a long time before she gave a small hum of affirmation. “Then we begin tomorrow.”

Basically, it's Tonowari and his family finding out about Souder's time with the RDA and being so disgusted and horrified that Spider goes from being a "ward" to a possible future adopted son. Maybe? Spider doesn't quite trust authority or paternal figures and is so used to taking care of himself that he's suspicious of Tonowari and Ronal's sudden change of heart towards him. Even worse, he's bottling up his grief over losing Neteyam because he feels that the cursed son of Quaritch doesn't deserve to mourn.

the fact there is no mention of the boys he was raised with for their entire life (so close to a decade, based off of how old they look, the eldest of the two seeming around 10ish) is crazy work

and now with him knowing the RDA is going to be attacked from all sides (even if rightfully so)? that they're stuck with their father who will endanger children to get what he wants? that they're alone without his protection? that they are stuck on a planet where they may become victims of war and Na'vi rage, and he's not there to keep them safe?

he has to worry. he has to wonder where they are.