My Ancestors, Watching Me Dump An Entire Stick Of Cinnamon, Two Cloves, An Allspice Berry, And A Generous

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

More Posts from Annoyingasexual and Others

1 month ago

Spider being adopted by Tsen’tey and Ikeyni of the Tayrangi

A/n- Please forgive this bad format, tumblr has a limit and I am too impatient to make this into multiple parts.

Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi

Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
Spider Being Adopted By Tsen’tey And Ikeyni Of The Tayrangi
1 month ago
God Forbid 5000 Year Old Girls Do Anything

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

6 months ago
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome
This Is So Wholesome

This is so wholesome

2 months ago
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.
Spider Will Be, At Least Ever So Slightly Compared To Other Humans, Respected. He Protected The Clan.

Spider will be, at least ever so slightly compared to other humans, respected. he protected the clan. the Na'vi.


Tags
1 month ago
Have You Ever Been To Earth?

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

4 weeks ago
annoyingasexual - Senza titolo
annoyingasexual - Senza titolo
annoyingasexual - Senza titolo

top gun silliness

1 year ago
Unos Diseños Nuevos

Unos diseños nuevos

Some new designs

3 months ago
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection
I'm Starting A Collection

I'm starting a collection

2 months ago

Looks like we can’t isolate, ignore, ibuprofen our way out of this one boys

  • youtakethatback
    youtakethatback liked this · 6 days ago
  • nonsense-hustler
    nonsense-hustler reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • toribookworm22
    toribookworm22 reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • fizziboo
    fizziboo reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • bunnyliquefaction
    bunnyliquefaction liked this · 1 week ago
  • raddtaire
    raddtaire liked this · 1 week ago
  • hunter-gatherer-stuff
    hunter-gatherer-stuff reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • youcanbeyourlight
    youcanbeyourlight reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • the-had-matter09
    the-had-matter09 reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • the-had-matter09
    the-had-matter09 liked this · 1 week ago
  • hysterical-mess
    hysterical-mess reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • toastedjam
    toastedjam liked this · 1 week ago
  • ourtykes
    ourtykes reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • pl4yingcards
    pl4yingcards liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • corvids-calling
    corvids-calling reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • ace-disaster-weeb
    ace-disaster-weeb reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • ace-disaster-weeb
    ace-disaster-weeb liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • femininologies
    femininologies liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • ahrlaxo
    ahrlaxo reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • the-nebula-sys
    the-nebula-sys reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • whossuzy
    whossuzy liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • justsomeno1s
    justsomeno1s liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • songeevee
    songeevee liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • another--part-of-me
    another--part-of-me reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • dragonoftea
    dragonoftea reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • soupgirlll
    soupgirlll reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • soupgirlll
    soupgirlll liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • bondilluns
    bondilluns liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • forrestistic-horror
    forrestistic-horror reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • forrestistic-horror
    forrestistic-horror liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • hell-in-a-handbasket1
    hell-in-a-handbasket1 reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • falbet
    falbet reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • crossthread
    crossthread liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • freshgratednutmeg
    freshgratednutmeg reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • glitched-out-dusk
    glitched-out-dusk liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • ladameblanche
    ladameblanche liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • batman777333
    batman777333 reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • dizzy-jizzy
    dizzy-jizzy reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • sucrose-and-furina-main
    sucrose-and-furina-main liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • gummimn
    gummimn liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • samiuri
    samiuri reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • samiuri
    samiuri liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • elegysonnet
    elegysonnet reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • imaginatorofthings
    imaginatorofthings reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • atcdblu
    atcdblu liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • raishe
    raishe reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • impr0bablezer0
    impr0bablezer0 reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • pnkrckr625
    pnkrckr625 liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • yvngdracvla
    yvngdracvla reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
annoyingasexual - Senza titolo
Senza titolo

187 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags