Hesh: He Was My Brother.

tv tropes + attack on titan ↳ character tropes: armin

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

You think with Adler being the fashionable type, do you think he make sure Bell is fashionable as well?

I know a lot of people think Mason and Woods might not know what happened to Bell, but how could they not? Sure Hudson would hate to tell them because he obviously knows the shit Mason goes through... but um they would have to know. Hudson would have to tell them. It's a major detail in the missions and he couldn't have them getting too attached to the Russian.

I like to think that Hudson told them before we even meet Hudson. Like they came into the mission knowing. They were pissed off obviously but they knew. Then the first mission with Woods rolls around and after he tells Mason all about what happens with Bell during the mission.

Woods and Mason are so obviously caught between a rock and a hard place. Like the way they look at Bell during that one briefing is just so heartbroken. They know they can't be too close with Bell, but he's just a kid to them. Like they know what's going to be the end of this kid and they know they can't do anything about it.

I feel like Lazar is the same way. Like to him, Bell is just some curious goofy guy who can be serious when needed. Like they all 100% bonded.

I think Sims might have started to warm up to him at some point too, but had to basically shut of his feelings when it came to Bell.

We all know Park was a fan of Bell and cared about his safety. Hell she never upped his dosage like Adler wanted. I'm pretty sure both her and Sims could've been in charge of that too.

Adler sees Bell as an even more fucked up version of himself and well a dog. They come at his beck and call. They have HIS memories from Vietnam. He created them in a sense as well. Like they are his little pet on his eyes.

Now when it comes to Hudson... I've always believed he never wanted to take part in MK Ultra with Bell. Like come on, he knows what Mason went through, but he has to follow orders. I feel like it's something that eats him up at night, knowing he helped do that to someone. Definitely ends with nightmares and when he's home, his wife is 100% worried. Hudson definitely ended up liking Bell.

I mean they did make Bell the best they could. That definitely includes personality wise. It probably also includes all his maneurisms like how Bell eats, how they speak (this includes talking with their hands or possibly sign language), and even how they walk. Like everything has been conditioned. Everything. Every possible thing that makes up a person has been conditioned into Bell.

I wonder if Hudson, since he is the interrogator, notices little things Bell does that are obvious (to him) that they're from how they used to be. Especially during the ending. Maybe even the little ticks or actions. Hudson probably knows Bell better than anyone. I mean you gotta think. Adler says Bell was immune to all types of interrogation, who would've done that? Hudson. He knows Bell better than Bell knows themself at the end of the campaign. Hudson knows that and it probably eats him up inside. He has morals. You can tell. You can tell by the way he words things, the way he jokes with Bell, even if it's monotone. He's trying to protect his own feelings during the whole game. It's so interesting to me.

I'm having so many brainworms right now so i'm forcing y'all to listen teehee

anyway, headcanon that Bell had the most gorgeous big brown eyes.

It was the first thing anyone ever noticed about them. Brown eyes are the most common color, but Bell wore them like they were a sacred gem. Deep, haunted, and achingly soulful. In the sterile glow of a safehouse in Berlin, the fluorescent lights bled across their eyes like distant dying stars, flickering in the hollow space of their gaze. Their eyes could be called fawn-like, or maybe a lamb. You’d never guess that they belonged to someone so horrifically scarred by the ugliness of the world.

How ironic that also like a lamb, tethered by a leash they couldn’t see, they trailed along so willingly to their slaughter--by the one man they trusted more than their own mind, no less. A beautifully blind devotion, don't you think? Right up to the barrel of the gun.

Something that always bugged me in some weird way was how after Cuba happened, Adler was dragging Bell by their legs into the safehouse. I kinda have been wondering if Adler just had back problems or if he was this big of an asshole. Like, wouldn’t it be safer for a person to be dragged by the arms? The head could get hit while dragging the person through the ground + discomfort. So, knowing Adler, probably both

Price:"we're after a specially trained individual. Our goal is to apprehend him."

Soap:"okay but what did he do?"

Price:

Price:"shot a CEO."

Soap:"sorry I'm busy"

Ghost:"I'm suddenly blind."

Gaz:"my shoulder is hurt"

Price:

After finishing bo1, bo2 and bocw i have turned into the biggest Hudson apologist ever

Ok. I said gaz is cunty. He helps the 141 with sending hate messages.

(This post btw!)

BUT. So is ghost. Oh my god he’s so sassy bro,

Soap:“Was worried his face would melt off like all those other bastards”

Ghost:“Would be an improvement.”

—

Ghost: “English, mactavish.”

—

(The sass, and to his captain too 😭😭)

But like I said, he’s a dry texter; in person, that’s where he shines. (Or over the phone/ coms )

it does NOT matter who your are. You WILL be sassed if that’s what ghosts deemed you deserve, and unlike gaz, who will just ignore you in person (cold shoulder) with ghost? ghost, oh god he’s just so blunt.

And so he dose the talking for the 141 when they’re in beef with someone.

Price, godbless him. Is a man of action, he’ll give you a brief warning, and that’s it. And his insult game isn’t that good, I think although he’s smart. He’s not particularly Witty, for example when gaz says.

“appears you can do maths sir”

“Getting cheeky are we?” (No comeback.)

Gaz, like I said, silence. Cold shoulder, dirty looks that will put teenage girls to SHAME. But he won’t go past that, infact. He won’t talk to you at all. Will just flat out ignore you. And stare, untill you get uncomfortable and leave. And he will not accept apologies untill he personally is ready to (holds grudges like a BITCH) so he doesn’t shit talk to people he doesn’t like

And soap like I said will solve problems with his fists and cursing we see this with makarov when he nearly killed him in the flash back. (MW3)And when ghost pissed him off he replied with “away an’ bile yer heid”- cursing and blinding (MW2) do I think he’d get flustered while shit talking and just curse and attack If thier close enough. (Also he’s very easy to humbled)

Soap: “the fuck you think your doing?”

Graves;I’m up to doing my fucking job kid, maybe you should do the same (CLOCKED HIM)

So ghost tales charge in shit talking. Or just talking to hostilities in person (gaz dose over text) and he’s very good it at LMAO

Merry Christmas, dear people! I hope you all will spend this celebration with your family and friends in peace 🤍