Its My B-day!! The Best Present For An Artist Is A Repost ;)

man rewatching any episodes of attack on titan can be so like, weirdly nostalgic for me. i know i haven’t known it as long as other people have but it truly had the biggest place in my heart and such a profound impact on me. i think it’s one of the greatest stories ever told tbh. like fuck, i’m just reminded of how amazing this story really is. the magnitude of detail that Isayama put into his world building and story telling is truly nothing short of fantastic honestly. the characters are so well-developed, each with their own motivations and flaws and personalities that make them seem so human. i am not surprised so many anime lovers call it the greatest story ever told. to me, it is exactly that.

So I noticed something in Cold War. Hudson says "They act like they know who they're dealing with." This was in reference to Bell. The part that got me confused is we know because of Adler that Bell didn't crack under any forms of interrogation or torture... but what if he did? Hudson could feasibly be the only one to know information about Bell and could've gained it without Adler knowing. Hudson is known to not tell anyone anything unless it is important to the mission and even then, he might not. So Bell could've told him of their past, but not anything important to what Hudson needed to know. In interrogation, Bell probably tried to threaten Hudson, so Hudson knows what kind of person Bell is and a bit of their past.

However, there is something else that could connect the dots. Hudson could've known of Bell from the whole Operation Greenlight thing. We know Bell was Perseus' right hand, so they would have to be known to at least some portion of the CIA and we can tell Hudson has higher clearance than Adler.

Either Hudson knew of Bell from previous encounters, previous information, or from the interrogations he did on Bell.

I doubt they encountered each other before as Hudson doesn't work on the field much, but it's a slim chance.

Also that might explain why Hudson is nicer to Bell than I'd imagine him to be. Like c'mon he has to know some of Bell's personal life from before. Otherwise, why would he help teach Bell certain things about working for the CIA and doing certain mission types? Like obviously he knows Bell is gonna end up dead, but Hudson doesn't seem like the type to waste his breath on something like that. He sees Bell as a person more so than the other two people in charge of him, which makes him lovable to me.

Logan and Hesh’s largest flex is that they survived orbital bombardment not once but TWICE

Would love for Logan or Hesh to crash out and say some shit like “LOKI/ODIN couldn’t kill me, what makes you think you could?!”

Do we ever think about the fact that Price had to leave Soap on that table after he died? He never had a proper burial. All that was left was the journal, ink stains that are supposed to contain a person’s entire LIFE. Price never got to cry next to a casket with his partner inside. He never got to deliver a speech in a chapel. Soap was a catholic, he would want to be buried. What do you think Makarov’s men did with Soap’s body?

I believe Price regrets leaving him there. He should have carried him out. 

War took the life of two boys that day. At some point, they were both just boys.

I'm so in love with Netflix's Castlevania 😔🤍

thinking about love as the ultimate transformative power in castlevania... richter's love giving strength to annette when she's practically dying from sekhmet's possession, juste and tera's care bringing maria back from the darkness, lisa showing dracula that he can be loved and good, alucard's love for each generation of belmont making him come back not to fight evil but simply to teach them how to fish despite knowing that he'll have to watch them die, olrox coming back to fight erzsebet out of love for mizrak, alucard saying that dracula still had goodness in him at the end precisely because his last action on earth was loving lisa's last gift to him, their son,... the only characters that are truly evil being the ones like Carmilla, the Abbott in nocturne or drolta who turn acts of devotion, love and trust into destruction and violence.... going to kill myself

I think about the Duga Ending a lot. Not necessarily the more violent one, where Bell tells their allies to head to Duga to set the trap. But the one where Bell chooses not to, says Duga anyways. With no plan.

I think about that action of saying Duga, leading Adler and the others astray—the completely wrong direction, saying nothing and giving nothing away as they sit with Adler in the passenger seat of his car. How Adler trusts Bell wholeheartedly with the answer of Duga. His dog wouldn’t lie. Why would they? They would never.

Bell, who reveals after Woods words and Adler’s coaxing of the truth—if they lied. How Bell just wanted to see their faces of frustration, of anger, of emotion, but they just wanted to see it from Adler. Bell, the epitome of petty revenge with this action—the chance to actually see the arrogant and normally stoic man break. Only to see nothing. No anger. No yelling. Adler who only has a frown and tone to match his disappointment.

Here is the person, the terrorist that led you astray and purposely caused the death of millions just for the chance to see Adler’s anger—only for him to feel disappointed. More how one would feel and look after seeing their pet pee the bed, destroy and tear off your favorite bed sheets—not at the genocide of millions.

I think about the Duga ending a lot. And how even at the end, Adler’s pride at Bell lowered significantly but not angry. How Bell’s petty revenge tasted bittersweet with blood forming at their chest from the shot, with Adler’s scarred frown looking down at them.

I think about how disappointed America’s Monster was at his precious dog that was always supposed to listen, but bit back and decided to die like this. No assault. Just wishing to see their master’s true face. Only to see that their master’s arrogance and pride was always there, Adler’s mistake. His cocky attitude bit back just like Bell did—roaring confidence that the tool he made and took out a piece of himself to do it would betray him like this.

I think about how could it be a betrayal when Bell wasn’t part of the team in the first place. “You’re still one of us, kid.”

I think about the Duga Ending, and all I see is America’s Monster being betrayed and Bell’s momentary confusion how the monster was disappointed more than angry at their gall.

I think. And I think.

And then I think of Solovetsky. I compare.

And all I can see is their relationship always ends in a betrayal in some way or another. The taste in both their mouths being bittersweet, either with blood or just as a natural after taste of killing a piece of your mind or the one who created your mind.

I think about the Duga Ending a lot.

R/T

Hi hello! Wanted to try finally the new model of Adler on DAZ, and in very happy with the results!

I made close ups so you can notices all the details, it was rendered on 8K but unfortunately tumblr lowers the quality, but I’ll send a link sooner so you can take a look at the original pic!

Also rendered him again with a Charger because yes 👁️👄👁️. I have come a long way since my first render last year!

Also I’m working on requests and will post them soon!

Hope ya like it! ❤️

Am I the only one who thinks about how impersonal Bell’s death was?

Like, from their perspective, the man who’d been their best friend for decades, fought alongside them, betrayed them. Even if they had some time to process it between the interrogation and Solovetsky, it had to have hurt.

Especially because he didn’t even give them the decency of an intimate death. That was phrased weird but let me cook.

It was just a bullet wound. He didn’t even give them an emotionally charged death. Not even point-blank. Adler was standing few feet away from him. I feel like they would’ve been more content if they’d been, say, stabbed or strangled. Because at least then they’d know Adler felt something towards them. But Adler didn’t do that. He downed them like he would’ve any other target. Quick. Disinterested.

Even after giving up everything, he still took more. He put them down, just like what he thought they were. A dog.

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

They definitely needed to do that tbh. Like, seriously, you brainwash a damn soviet, make them work for you and in the very end you don't even show them what you were fighting for (aka American dream). ADLER WAS LACKING (and Park too, she could've gave Bell a tour in UK)

Park and Adler should have taken Bell to Disney world post game for a job well done but instead they shot him. This says a lot about America.