Girl Scout Cookies Are The Closest I Will Ever Come To Doing Drugs Apart From Laufey Music On A Saturday

unironically the best kinds of people to encounter working customer service

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates approriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

I swear this post deserves to be considered a piece of national history or something

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

crushes are a pain in the posterior. especially when they last for longer than a year.

my formal apology. found on our fellow hellsite reddit.

the funniest part of the whole elden ring dlc discourse is that everyone unequivocally forgave mohg. I love how basically everyone straight up said:

I formally apologize for my doomer mindset, it's amazing what a group of united voices will do. Here's to hoping that this really makes a change in Hoyos mindset

Attention Genshin Impact fans!! There is a petition going around with 6k+ signatures to persuade Mihoyo to be more inclusive with their designs

Change.org

Sign the Petition

Stop Cultural Appropriation and Whitewashing in MiHoYo Games

If you care about this, please consider signing this petition. Although petitions don't always amount to anything, this is still an opportunity to cause change for the better. (Please reblog or share the link to spread the petition).

rereading old favorites before I ship out to basic and I can safely conclude that the wingfeather saga is legitimately a masterpiece. One of my all time favorites.

URGH I WANT A GIANT GODDESS TO SNUGGLE ME SO BADLYYYY

like, imagine being the only smol creature in her majestys court or smth. Imagine all the other angels and gods tower over you. But she didn't care. She chose you to be hers, so all the courts of the high heavens can go to the other place for all she cares. Imagine her giggling in her regal voice as she tickles your relentlessly, digging her great fingers into your ribs with enough force to leave you a squealing mess but also just enough to ensure she's not harming you in any way. Imagine feeling sad and then getting plucked up out of nowhere, her soft lips nearly suffocating you with divine love as soft noises of affection come from her throat and she leaves you a tiny blushing thing in her warm, soft grasp. Imagine that she sits you on her knee and she tells you that no matter what the world says, she will love you because you are hers and because you are you and because the world is cruel she chooses to love you even more.

IMAGINE THE SNUGGLES AT NIGHT BRO IMAGINE.

This shi got me giggling and kicking me feet at 1:06 in the morning my goodness

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.