Andsilvered - Yet Another Of Devotion's Casualties

bi erasure incident. one dead. four victorious.

i fucking love the locked tomb there are lesbians and death magic and tumblr memes and a character called We Suffer and also one called Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead Kia Hua Ko Te Pai Snap Back to Reality Oops There Goes Gravity

are you afraid of dying alone?

ok i'm sleepy and having emotions and i'm not gonna grab my copy to pull the specific quotes but. you remember that scene in htn where mercy and augustine are arguing. i think it's the "you have rendered yourself unlovable" one. and augustine tells her that he could kill her if he wanted. he could do it without a second thought, could stub her out like a cigarette beneath his shoe, and john would forgive him? john would understand? augustine is his favorite, and they all know it, to such a degree that mercymorn ceases to matter in the slightest?

cool great. now remember that time when john killed mercy? without a second thought? stubbed her out beneath his shoe? and then he turned to augustine and he said, you understand why i did that, right? you know that you're my favorite? you know i love you? she doesn't matter. we can put this behind us. augustine, can't you forgive me?

and augustine says no, john. no, i can't.

cause i'm thinking about that and i'm tearing my hair out. i'm eating the drywall. her death was too far. it was too far and augustine couldn't forgive him. he was right about john, probably more right than he realized, but he could never have brought himself to do it. it was unforgiveable.

Fucking wild to be teaching about Rosa Parks at the same time as a trans woman in Florida does an act of civil disobedience to use a women's restroom in the state capitol

one thing i find absolutely fascinating about the griddlehark dynamic and specifically gideon's relationship to her sacrifice/harrow's ascension

bc recall that at the end of gtn, the very last thing she says to harrow before fence time is

at this point, gideon seemingly understands that harrow doesn't actually want to become a lyctor *at the cost of gideon's life.* gideon fully understands that to harrow, losing gideon is the worst thing that could happen. the CRUELLEST thing in harrows life, when gideon is intimately familiar with the lifetime of cruelty that harrow has already endured. she's sacrificing herself so that harrow (and secondarily cam lol) can live, fully aware that this is something that she's doing TO harrow, not FOR her.

and yet we get to htn and gideon seemingly can't comprehend that harrow would try to reverse the lyctorhood process in service of saving her life. she thinks that harrow doesn't want to accept her sacrifice because she hates owing gideon anything. which is the opposite of what "the cruellest thing that anyone has ever done to you" implies.

i think the simplest answer is that gideon severely lacks emotional permanence. gideon and harrow got along for like a week at canaan house. it's been months and months since then, months where harrow isn't affirming her devotion to gideon because she literally doesn't remember that gideon exists. and i think that's another crucial piece - gideon wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, she wanted to matter to harrow for the rest of eternity, she wanted to be missed, because she has no conception of what a healthy interpersonal relationship looks like. can't wait to see whether gideon is ever going to understand harrows lobotomy the way that harrow experienced it - as the ultimate expression of love and devotion and grief.

the griddlehark reunion is going to make me ugly cry for days.

a vital and frequently overlooked aspect of cam's relationship with pal is the fact that her boundaries with him are like. i can accept collecting 96 fragments of your exploded skull, painstakingly glueing them back together, letting your soul move into my body, nearly bleeding out as a result, getting stabbed in service to you, bleeding out again and still offering you another spoonful of blood. but i draw the LINE at letting you write hardcore erotica with my hands

the age-old discussion as to whether or not ben barnes was poor casting for dorian gray is incredibly funny to me like yes we know that dorian is supposed to look like an innocent blond cherub instead of a dark luciferian daddy long leg prince of sin because literature but it all comes down nitpicking in the end because i’m just sure that oscar wilde the man himself would have been salivating over ben every waking minute of his damn life if he were here

Every time Harrowhark goes "Griddle" (and some extras) until the first time, she doesn't call her Griddle.

We love their Chaos.

Ok, but the amount of trouble shooting I had to do for this fuckery was hilarious!

First I highlighted every "Griddle" I could find. (I even found more after my initial skim, through editing).

I downloaded the Audiobook, (a purchased version ofc)

Then I had to find a program to convert the Audiobook from AAX to MP4 then find a program that downloaded the audiobook into the program to convert the audio from AAX to MP4

Then I tried to upload it to my audio editing program, and had to download *another* program to export my MP4 to MP3.

Then I had to cut down a 9 HOUR AUDIO CHUNK TO ONE MINUTE OF "GRIDDLES" BECAUSE THE AUDIOBOOK DIDN'T COME IN CHAPTERS, IT JUST CAME AS ONE HUGE AUDIO CLIP OF THE FIRST HALF OF THE BOOK, AND THE SECOND HALF.

Then I made sure to adjust my clips so they fell on beat, and Voila!

There are more "Griddle"s after the first time she calls her Gideon, but I thought it more suitable to stop there.

I have more edits in mind. More to come.

The thing that really gets me about the start of Nona the Ninth is how - even though she didn’t end up being either one of them - Cam, Pal, and Pyrrha couldn’t figure out whether she was Harrow or Gideon because they knew how absolutely fucked up their childhoods must of been.

They knew that if they took away all of the horrible things that Gideon and Harrow went through they would be almost unrecognizable as people - how much of their personalities were shaped by what they were trained to do, or how they resented their training. Making them wonder that maybe if things were different Harrow or Gideon could have been the happy and loving little girl Nona is.

Could you imagine having the chance to reparent your friend, giving them the things you think they deserve, that they never got, and realizing they are nothing like the friend you knew?

And then realizing that either way, this must be better.