I Guess I Really Didnt Mean That Much To Him Afterall. He Never Responded And When He Finally Looked

I fucking got triggered into a depressive episode when i watched pitch perfect for the first time last night. Seeing the two main characters not talk to eachother because of a fight is one of my biggest fears with me and the few people i do talk to. I hate myself lmao

You rub a genies vase and out comes a very attractive genie. “What is your first wish?” the genie asks, bored.

“I want you to be my sugar daddy”

“Your wish is gr- Wait, what?”

I talked to him about it. He said that the reason why he doesnt ext me when they're hanging out is because she'll get mad and start something. Okay hold up. First off, she's an ex for a reason. Secondly, do you not think I'll get a little pissed off if you're talking to her in front of me? Cause oh boy you got that wrong. I dont want to control who he talks to because it is his life, but I just don't want them getting back together.

He told me because she's slowly changing that there might be a chance with them. I brought it up later that day and he said that there would be no chance because he loves me. What the fuck. Make up your mind now. I don't want to feel used. I don't want to feel like a whore. I don't want to feel like I'm just trash.

I wish he would stumble upon this one day and realises it's me typing. Maybe he'd be able to understand what goes through my head.

He doesn’t care about my feelings at all. He still texts his ex when hes in front of me but he wont text me in front of his ex. Now, who do you think he actually loves? Me or her? I fucking hate my life. I wish i died when i tried to kill myself in sophomore year. I hate all of this

How I feel everyday

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If you need someone to talk to, just message me or send an ask :-)

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None

Trying to disinfect a pin so i could use it and my dumb ass slides my fingers on the pin and i hear the skin pop. Fuck man

Precious Light

Prompt: You are born into a world where everyone is either good or evil. Connected to your world is a portal to a separate dimension where your exact double is born, only they are the opposite to you. You grew up throughout your life believing you were the good version of yourself, your parents are good, your friends are good, and you try to be good (with a lot of failed attempts). Then one day you go to a portal and meet your evil self. Only problem: He is the epitome of good, making you the evil one! Summary: Arthur meets you on the streets after a hard day. Description: I asked my friend for prompts and they gave me this so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Word count: 778 Pairing: Arthur Fleck & You Warnings: Cursing.

It was already night out, huh? Doesn’t that mean I have to go to bed…? Or maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I could stay up and watch something on TV. Hmm… Maybe I’ll take a bath, perhaps a cold one to not make the electric bill hell as it is. Or maybe I’ll go for a walk, see what I can do out and about…

I’ve tried laying down, that didn’t seem to work very well, nor did watching TV. Nothing seemed to be working… Why couldn’t I just do something I wanted to do for once? No, of course not. Why would I have that ability? To be comfortable where I am now? It’s laughable.

A walk will make my mind at ease. It’ll help with my antsiness. In theory at least…

So I got up, the dinner I barely touched left there on its plate to get cold as I stood and walked out the door. The feeling of relief to be out the house was… Strange. I left the apartment every day to go to my job, and yet I felt a sense of comfort when not being there.

I had gotten into the elevator and waited a good minute for the damn thing to work, cursing in my mind for the landlord to not put our money to fix the stupid place. I just wanted a place where I could be happy and with the people around me and the place around me… It was impossible to be in my dream emotion. I don’t need people in my life, that much was clear. But why did I feel something different with people who enjoy my company? I felt a sense of warmth, yet a strong feeling of fear… Or anger… Or sadness… I can’t tell! Everyone tells me to feel a certain way but make it so hard to do so. I’m in a battle with how to express this to people, express my feelings.

I know I can be a way if I force myself to, right? Take my meds and eat properly, right? That’s what all the doctors tell me, that’s what my mother tells me, that’s what everyone tells me. I would be a happier person if I could just force myself.

So what does that make me? A villain? A bystander? I’ve never been seen as someone who does bad things, I’m not that. No, why would I be? I’m not a bad person. I can’t be!

That was my thought prosses… Until I bumped into her. I stumbled back, hitting the ground below me hard as I fell. Bitting my tongue as I impacted with the ground, I cursed loudly and rocked myself softly in pain. Barking suddenly up at the person who I ran into, I was mid-sentence when her orbs met mine. Her eyes brighter than the streetlights, the color of her skin practically shining in the night, it felt as if she was glowing all together. She was everything I thought I was and more. How was she just standing there? Looking at me with innocent eyes and wonder on her face. I wanted to know her name. I wanted to protect this… Thing. This precious light.

“Hey, you okay?” The sudden voice of the (h/c) haired girl broke my thoughts, the look on her face a mixture of confusion and worry, “Y-Yeah…” I half sighed back, the concern on her face slowly subsiding. Reaching out her hand, she offered it to me. Looking at it for a short second, I thought of the things I could say just then. Pulling my arm out, I locked hands with her. The feeling of warmth I had talked about earlier hit me like a train, the heat from her hand sending my freezing one chills.

Pulling myself up, I stood up and towered over her. The look of care still plastered on her face, “I didn’t mean to run into you, I’m so busy tonight I hadn’t-”

“No! … No, it’s alright.” I hushed myself, her expression turning to more relaxed smile, “It’s quite alright.” The both of us stood there for a second, me probably looking ridiculous as my face mimicked her smile, making her grin widen, flushed.

“I should be going now,” She said, looking down at the pavement and taking a step to my left, “I’m sorry again.” And with that, she quickly started to walk off. The instant feeling of dread washed over me, making me crave that feeling of warmth again. I didn’t get her name… I’ll make note of her looks, maybe see if I could meet her again. Meet this precious light.

He just wants to be friends. Thats okay. Not like i loved you anything HAHA. After all we did too? Damn. I might cut too deep tonight.