Looking Back, I’ll Never Tell You It Was Easy To Get To Where I Am Today..

Looking back, I’ll never tell you it was easy to get to where I am today..

I am far from where I want to be and I have much still left to learn and understand about myself and life.

It’s been a long and hard journey that has taken everything I have,

And truthfully,

Most days I don’t know how I survive.

I get knocked down and kicked around until I think I can’t go on..

But I do and always have..

You do it long enough that survival mode becomes a way of life.

Honestly, I’ve done most of the damage to myself with bad decisions and self doubt,

But that’s just part of the process, I guess.

I never thought I’d learn to rise above and find my way,

But I did and I still am, every day.

And I’m still learning- I have far yet to go.

I have days that take everything I’ve got to survive and nights that seem to never end.

I’ve been a horrible person but I’ve also chosen to do good things too.

I’m flawed, broken and messed up..

But I also have a big heart, beautiful thoughts and a kind spirit..

And it’s a battle between both sides, every day.

I have more good days than bad now, but it’s still hard.

I don’t win as much as I lose,

But that’s okay.

I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m trying to be better today than I was yesterday.

I can’t ever take back all the pain I’ve caused and I can’t undo the wrong I’ve done..

But I’m trying to make amends, rebuild trust and maybe in time, be a good person..

Or at least feel good about where I am in my journey.

I don’t like what I see in the mirror and haven’t in a long time..

But there are glimpses of hope every so often.

I know it’ll take time, but I’m working on it- working on me, one day at a time the best that I can.

So, maybe some day when you see me finally flying high and shining brightly,

I’ll tell you the story of how I found my wings..

It won’t be a tale of glorious victory and dazzling dreams..

No, it’ll be a story of failure, darkness and fighting to get better and be stronger.

It won’t be shiny and happy, but it’ll be real..

And it’ll be me.

And in the end, that’s what will matter most in my journey:

That I battled, kept going and found my way.

Overcame my failures and learned from my mistakes.

Maybe it’ll be a beautiful day, that day when I tell you that story.

Maybe not.

But it will be real.

And that’s the kind of stuff that matters.

The painful hard truths that get us where we need to be.

One glorious but messy day at a time.

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Reality ownership trauma healing journey of life

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alexispink31

9 months ago

My Grandma Has Been Battling Cancer For Some Time Now.. She Made A Huge Decision To Be Put On Hospice,

My grandma has been battling cancer for some time now.. She made a huge decision to be put on hospice, that started Friday. It’s absolutely horrifying to know that you are now in your last days of life.. 😭💔😭

God brought you into my life at the age of 12, I haven’t always been the easiest granddaughter, consistency was challenging for me, abandonment issues caused me to withdraw myself from just about anyone. Involving myself with the wrong people which led me to live life on certain expectations cause of my own choices.

You helped with open hands, a caring heart, love you poured into every single one of us. Speaking advice into ears that needed it, being the worlds greatest grandma to us kids! Importantly, while leaving a toxic relationship my daughter gained having the best gee-gee in her life!!!!!! She adores you!!!! She feels everything so deeply so this right now is affecting her so much… 💔

I pray for peace, I pray for strength, I pray for no more pain in your life grandma!!!!!!

A PRECIOUS human my family & I LOVE dearly, is once again being ripped away from us by this evil sickness cancer! It’s not fair, watching someone so close to you slowly dying is terrifying. It makes you question everything, mixed emotions & not enough words to be said that we can say to save those we care about…

Pray for my family at this time. Cherish your time with your loved ones, hug them extra tightly for a moment. You never know what life has in store for each one of us. Embrace the love that comes to us, appreciate the people who have been there all along. Life flashes before our eyes, without a trace of hope or fear of the unknown.

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WHYYYY family pray for us cancer dealing with grief my grandma one-of-a-kind heartache sad reality count your blessings not fair you are strong our world grateful for you geegee love you soooo much

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alexispink31

9 months ago

sorry i was passionate & intense & insane. it will happen again

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alexispink31

1 year ago