I’ll Say It Can Also Be Funny And Revealing:

I’ll say it can also be funny and revealing:

My first job was with this weird dude (we’ll call him Andy) that ran a telecom subcontracting business; I was effectively a cable monkey with a bit of extra computer knowledge. To give you an idea of who this guy was, he was a family friend from church (I was raised in a Fundie household) and was the kind of guy that, when the CDC put out the “everyone has to have a cloth covering” mandate during COVID, he wore a cheesecloth mask, even though my friend (also working for him; he knew this) had to go home to a VERY immunocompromised father.

We were on our way to a job site somewhere relatively far (like an hour or two), and I was in the passenger seat where he was talking to me about all the people he’s hired and passed on.

Now, for context, I was barely shaking eggshell off at this point; if a queer person that I felt safe around had asked me, “hey <deadname>, are you—” *hand tilt*, I’d have responded with, “eh probably? I can’t transition bc of family and gf though, so…”

AAAAAnyway, Andy turns to me in the car and—almost bragging, I shit you not—says, “did you know I’ve never hired a woman? They just don’t apply.”

In my head I go “hehe—stelth,” but I just nod my head and also think, “yeah I don’t think that says as much about women as you think, buddy. I think that says more about you.”

Honestly I wish I’d been brave enough to say that in that moment. But I was an egg in an unsafe space sitting next to my boss in a job I needed, so I didn’t advocate the way I should have if I’d had a spine.

we talk a lot about how damaging trans women’s experience of being around men who think there are no women around, but i rarely hear talk about how exhausting and alienating it is to constantly have to interact 1 on 1 with men who think theyre talking to another man. its damaging and draining in a dfferent way.