Steven Would Passive-aggressively Make His Boss Homemade Orange Juice With Just SLIGHTLY Too Much Pulp

Guy who has heard other guys refer to their wives as "ball and chain" and "battle-axe" and wrongfully assumed you can refer to your wife as any medieval weapon: oh there's my beautiful Lucerne hammer

If a vampire was a police officer, would they be able to enter your house with a warant???

what "no sugar added" should mean: the natural sugars of the other ingredients like fruit are the only source of sweetness in this product

what is actually means: we added a fuckton of artificial sweeteners

my watery friend... are you too brushed with the pattern of the dappled light...?

I was telling my partner about how sometimes I look at my own art tag to remind myself that I, like, did that & am in fact capable of creating things, & how I love that for me & how I love that for everyone else, because they get to see the things I make.

Me: "I've just gotta get all Joel Smallishbeans about it, y'know, what Marina & the Diamonds said, 'I feel like I'm the worst, so I act like I'm the best.'"

Them: "That's definitely a Joel song."

Me: "Yeah, it really is."

Them: "You know who else I associate that song with?"

Them: "Vriska."

Me: "Oh yeah totally, it's a very Vriska song. I've actually seen quite a few po-"

Them: "Ergo Joel Smallishbeans is Vriska coded."

Me:

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

The biggest disappointment Steven has faced since becoming a vampire is no longer being able to get drunk

That and forced overtime at the vampire IRS