About You Pt 18

About You Pt 18

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

A/N: and we are here, one more chapter to go. any ideas? any thoughts? I hope you enjoyed this ride because i surely do! listen to ocean and engines by niki to feel this chapter a little more. alsooooo, i'm hinting a new series with the close of this one with our favorite second lead.

About You Series

2014, Sochi Autodrom

It was the first Formula 1 race in Russia and everyone expected fanfares about it yet the reality is far different. It was rare that the whole grid was so quiet. The grid was always buzzing with reporters trying to get a scoop to photographers capturing every single interaction to fans clamoring to get signature from their favorite driver. Today, the whole paddock seems to be walking on eggshells.

Well what does everyone expect when it has just been four days since that awful tragedy in Japan. It felt like it was so wrong in many levels that the drivers are back on track when one of their own is currently fighting for his life.

The doctors told them that there is a possibility for recovery but all can only be determined when he regains consciousness. It was hard to hold on to false hope so the feeling of grief sits heavy on their shoulders.

There were drivers who are angry. Checo Perez was in a screaming match with one of the FIA officials during media day. He demanded how is it possible with all the safety precautions that has been implemented, a tragedy such as this still exist. Jenson, although a little more calmer in his tone, asked for someone to be accountable for what happened to Jules.

Some were emotional. It cannot be denied that those closest with Jules couldn't keep their tears in. Max Chilton, his teammate, was crying the minute he saw that their garage only has one car. He was so used to seeing Jules greeting him and having him on track that it felt unreal that he may never see him again. Another one struggling is Daniel, who has been Jules' bestfriend. Ever since Suzuka, his eyes were red from crying and his usual happy self was gone. It has deeply affected his race performance but he couldn't hide how he feels.

Then there were those who are driven with guilt. Lewis should have felt like in cloud nine after gaining the driver's championship yet he felt empty. No celebrations for that because how could he be happy when Jules is still unconscious. Adrian Sutil founds himself in a battle with guilt even if no one was blaming him. He witnessed the whole thing in front of him and it all happened so fast.

For Sebastian, it wasn't an option to be emotional, angry, or guilty. He has to be rational and if possible hide his feelings as much as possible. He takes it upon himself to look after the whole grid, it was the least that he could do for everyone.

But then in rare moments where he is in his driver's room, an hour away from the race, he lets his guard down.

"Seb, I'm just dropping these oranges"Y/N wheeled in "Seb?"

The distress signals were calling Y/N with how Sebastian stayed with his back turned. His heavy breathing and the shaking hands were a dead giveaway that he has been crying.

"I'm okay, I'm okay" Sebastian repeated like a mantra.

He knows that Y/N has her own fair share of emotions to deal with Jules' tragedy. It mirrored her own a few months ago and she would spend night sleepless after being tormented by the memories of the accident. He needs to show that he is someone strong that Y/N can lean on so he cannot afford to show her that he is crying.

"Please seb, you can talk to me"Y/N begged, inching closer.

"I'm okay, I'm okay"

"Please Seb, I'm just trying to help you"Y/N explained "Please don't shut me out"

"I said I'm fine."

The tone was harsher than what Sebastian has intended. Even he was shocked by his voice and he couldn't help but face her to apologize. A very wrong decision on his part because he saw how equally shocked Y/N has been.

"I'm sorry, I just" Sebastian was lost for words "I'm just honestly so tired and you have been pressing me for something...but I'm still really sorry"

Y/N nodded her head. She was with Sebastian with the past few days and this has been a common occurrence. A part of her hurts that Sebastian seems to be shutting her out but there was the rational part of her brain that tells her that this is just a normal response from the accident. She bits back some of her words and lets out a heavy sigh.

"I'm really sorry" Sebastian embraced her.

She nods reluctantly, there was nothing she could do if Sebastian doesn't want to say anything. For all the years she knew Sebastian, he could be stubborn when he wants to.

Y/N reached out for an orange and handed it to Sebastian.

"Can you peel one?"Y/N asked "Just like our old traditions?"

A small smile appeared on his face and it felt like they were back to the good old days. It seems like it was just yesterday when they were sharing their first oranges and thinking that it brought some kind of luck during Sunday races.

Both of them wish that they were just back to much simpler times. When Sebastian was still a young reckless driver, who wants to prove himself and Y/N was still Mark's assistant. When the problems that they faced were still menial and nothing is as complicated like how they are right now.

They spent some time in silence eating their oranges until the clock starts ticking closer to the start of the race. The buzz of the door outside is getting a bit louder and both of them wished that they can just disappear inside the driver's room forever.

"You come back safe to me Seb" Y/N wistfully stated. The tender smile that they both shared knows how much this sentence weighs right now.

"I'm always coming back for you"

2014, Circuit of the America

Plenty of emails have remained unread ever since Y/N took her leave from the office. Although, it was not part of her job description, Jenson trusted her to sort his emails. Her replacement is someone competent but she is not someone that Jenson could trust yet, hence the pile up.

It was now time to open up the emails and delete the unnecessary ones as it takes up a lot of space. Jenson places himself at the hotel cafe, ready with a cup of coffee to keep himself awake.

"How does she do this every single day"Jenson mutters under his breath.

His respect raised somewhat higher after looking at 10 emails. Most of them were brand deals or an invitation to join a shady business deals. Jenson sorted out the mails into junk or those he would check on with his manager.

Ping.

Jenson almost groans upon realizing that there was a new email that has just been sent. He was ready to say forget it and let it have its turn to be waited upon. But then the subject of the email was written in all caps and bold, emphasizing the gravity of it all.

'WEBBER RESIGNATION LETTER'

The document attached to the email was plain and simple. It discusses how her accident has caused her incapable of fulfilling her duties and that she needed time off to recover completely. She stated how it was one of the best years to be able to work in McLaren and it was unfortunate how it has to end this way.

On another hand, the email itself was a personal letter to Jenson.

"Dear Jenson,

First of all, I apologize since I didn't have the courage to tell you all of this in person. This is an incredibly tough decision to make and I wasn't even sure if I was actually doing this until I hit the sent button. I'm really sorry that I'm emailing something because I'm too scared to face you right now.

Second, I wanted to thank you for everything. You have been the person that I have spent a lot of good and bad days with. You also let me see the different variations of you. The media may always paint you as a cheeky guy who was lucky to win a championship but I see more than that. You are a good person who cares a lot. You love rarely but its genuine. You push yourself to the limits even when you have a shit car or even teammate.

Lastly, I hope that my resignation will bring you peace. I know that you keep blaming yourself for my accident and you still think that you should have been the one driving the car. It pains me that you blame yourself for what happened to me. It wasn't your fault Jenson. I will keep repeating it a hundred times over until you get it through your thick skull. Learn how to forgive yourself and not be too harsh on yourself.

Jenson, I wish I could tell you how much I wanted to stay in this world. Motorsports is the only thing that I know but I have to take some time off. I have to heal myself physically, mentally and maybe even spiritually. Everything has been really draining and it is taking a toll on me. I know you may hate me for my decision but I hope you could understand this one day.

Always with you Jenson, Y/N.

The laptop's mousepad was slippery due to the tears that have fallen from Jenson. He felt a wave of embarrassment after realizing that he was in a public place and it would have made big headlines if someone caught him crying like this.

"Are you okay Mr Button?" a small voice tugged Jenson's jacket.

Jenson saw a young boy in buzzcut wearing a pajama set. He seems to be no less than 10 years old. Jenson immediately fixes his face to greet him.

"Yeah, I'm okay kiddo" Jenson tries to force a smile.

"My sister says its not nice to lie" the boy pointed out "however sometimes my sister lies sometimes pretend things are better than it seems. She says those lies are happy lies"

The ability of children to see through people should be discussed. Jenson finds himself tearing up a bit more after being confronted by a child.

"Here is my hanky"the boy pushed his blue handkerchief towards Jenson "I think you need this today Mr. Button"

Jenson smiles gratefully, he wanted to ask the name of the boy and thank him when someone else approached the table.

"You're Jenson Button? Can we take a photo?"

"Yeah sure"Jenson agreed.

The giddy McLaren fans immediately went next to him. He smiled the best he could and he hoped that his crying wasn't that all visible. After all is said and done, the fans thanked him.

Jenson turned to look for the kid but he was long gone. The existence of their interaction only existed with the blue handkerchief which has the name RJ.

Maybe someday he will meet that RJ kid again to thank him.

2014, Interlagos

When Y/N suggested that they have something to talk about during dinner, Sebastian took it as a sign to make it up for her. He knows how difficult he has been the past few weeks and it took him a while to revert back to his old self. He also knows that this has been a difficult season for Y/N with the accident, Michael, Jules, and every fiasco. They deserve a night out.

And like a poetic justice, he wanted to replace the horrible memory of the restaurant in Brazil last year.

He went all out with the whole preparation. He was dressed in some nice polo, a beautiful dress sent to Y/N, and a gorgeous flower arrangement. He planned to make this evening something memorable and a far better ending than last year.

But the candlelit dinner seems to be lacking its romantic aura with the way that their food has been half-eaten and their wines untouched. It doesn't take a genius to guess that this evening might not go well.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Sebastian spoke up "You don't like the food?"

"It's fine, I'm just not hungry" her voice was almost a whisper.

In Y/N's head, she felt extremely guilty. She wanted a simple dinner with Sebastian to talk to him about her plans to take time off F1 and take a break. But seeing how Sebastian prepared so much for the dinner date, she felt like she couldn't find a perfect timing to break the news to him.

"You don't have to keep hiding, you could talk to me"Sebastian urged her to open up.

There was no point in prolonging the agony, might as well rip the bandages out.

She sucked in air as she delivers the news, "I'm resigning as Jenson's PR"

The fork that Sebastian was holding clatters down his plate. Surprise was evident on his face since he didn't expect this at all. There must be another team offering her a job that's why she resigned.

"Did Ferrari offer you a job?" Sebastian was trying to be optimistic. "Or did Nico finally poach you to join Mercedes-"

"No other teams, I'm just resigning"

His eyes were looking at her trying to see if there is any bluff or whatsoever, "Can I ask why?"

"There has just been a lot going on"Y/N admitted "I needed to heal and get back on my feet. I need to focus on getting better so I don't have to trouble you lot"

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Sebastian pressed “If that’s the only thing bothering you then you don’t have to worry about a thing. I can always fly to Monaco during weekends which are not race weekends and-“

Sebastian stops upon seeing the sad smile that she has on her face. Her hands pushed the set of keys that he entrusted to her. There was a moment of silence between the two of them and its like they could hear both their hearts pounding in this impending moment of confrontation.

“I have to go on my own Seb”Y/N explained “All the stuffs that I have to relearn, I need time to recover from everything that happened”

‘Then I’ll be by your side,’ Sebastian wanted to protest. But he felt lost for words.

“This whole situation is far from healthy and I cannot burden you any longer when you are also struggling to cope with the losses that we have experienced”

Slumping back at his seat, Sebastian could just recount the several events that happened in the past few months. Everything was a whirlwind for the two of them and at the back of his mind, he knows that Y/N is being reasonable. She needed time to recover from the tragedies and Sebastian also needed to cope healthily rather than pushing people away.

He gazed at her and he seems to notice for the first time how its taking a toll on her. It was a far different cry from that girl who he first met but Sebastian couldn’t help his feelings.

“But I love you” Sebastian managed to say something at last. He loves Y/N so much and the pang of pain in her eyes shows how Y/N loves him as well.

“And I do love you Seb”her voice cracking “But this isn’t a right time for us since we’re both broken and we will end up hurting each other if we stay together”

It wasn’t unlike Sebastian to give up in a fight. He was born to be competitive and fight for what he wants. However, how could he continue to fight when the white flag is already waved and its only waiting for his peaceful retreat.

“So what now..”he wondered.

“I’ll try to find myself”she answered bravely but tears were stinging her eyes “And I wish we could both recover and we can find happiness again”

He could only scoff at that, “That’s impossible for me to do”

“Seb please..”

“You can’t just ask me to let go of you and leave you alone when all I wanted to do is be by your side” Sebastian continues “I love you Y/N and isn’t love just enough to keep us going through things together?”

The woman in front of him started laughing bitterly. He could hear the laughter taunting him but at the same time the tears were falling down her cheeks. It was a whiplash of emotions.

“I wish love was enough that it could help me walk again. I wish love was strong enough that Jules is awake. I fucking wish love was enough that you don’t have to push me away when I was trying to ask you what’s going on.”

Both of them stared at each other like they were trying to figure out who was the stranger sitting in front of them. They both didn’t know how it suddenly escalated and turned into this kind of situation.

“All I ever wanted was a clean break”Y/N pointed “I was trying to take care of you Seb”

“No”Seb rejected “You’re running away from your problems”

Wiping her tears away, Y/N sent a message to Mark. It was a good thing that Mark insisted on being nearby so that if the whole thing goes south then he could pick her up right away.

“I’m leaving now. This is goodbye”

Y/N struggled to wheel herself out but she would not ask Sebastian for any help. She managed to turn her back from Sebastian and she felt hurt that Sebastian was not doing anything to stop her from leaving.

“Did you love me?”

The question stings Y/N and she halts. If she didn’t love Sebastian then she would be selfish and stayed with Sebastian to burden him with her troubles. She loves him so much to the point that she refuses that he was a getting a broken version of herself. She loves him to the point that he recognizes that she didn’t want to hurt Sebastian in the long run that’s why she chooses to recover and heal.

“It don’t care if you don’t”Sebastian declared “Because I love you and I’ll love you enough for the both of us. I will wait for you until you feel better, until you feel okay. I’ll be here”

Those words were something that she badly want to hear. It almost made her abandon the idea of leaving everything behind, she wanted to be so selfish. But she kept going and tried to not look back.

“Goodbye Sebastian”