Phil Hendricks X OFC

Phil Hendricks x OFC

Based on Aidan Gillen’s portrayal of Phil Hendricks in Sky One’s adaptation of the Tom Thorne Novels by Mark Billingham. 

Summary: Pathologist Phil Hendricks faces up to the fact that his feelings for his closest female friend go much deeper than than he could ever have imagined.

Phil peered through the bedroom door and saw that she was sleeping. She had collapsed on his bed still fully clothed, but winter was drawing in and the nights were getting colder, so he crept in and gently laid a blanket over her. It wasn’t the first time she had slept in his bed, it was a fairly common occurrence after a particularly heavy night out. The difference was that normally, they would have been out together. Their relationship had built over the past ten years from something akin to sibling rivalry into … what? He had thought that they shared a deep friendship, but now he was no longer sure what it was that they shared. Not since his cousin’s wedding.

That bloody wedding. He thought back to the evening that he had been stewing over the invitation in the pub with her, he liked his cousin but had always hated going back home to see his family since they had made no secret of their disgust over his lifestyle. ‘Phil Hendricks plus one’ Yeah, right. Almost without thinking, he had slammed his bottle down on the table “What are you doing on the 24th November?”

He had never expected her to agree to go, it was Dublin after all, not exactly a short road trip. Of course, his parents had been thrilled to meet her, introducing them both to various friends and family. He was under no illusion why, their son arriving at a wedding with a woman was like a dream come true. This view was confirmed late on in the evening by his drunken father. He had come to stand next to him and the bar “Phil my boy! Your mother and I are so pleased to finally see you with a young lady. Perhaps now we can put this whole disgusting business behind us eh?” Before he had been able to answer, she had appeared in between them “I beg your pardon?” His father had appeared momentarily flustered “Well…..all this talk of being gay……disgusting nonsense……” Before he could finish, she had snapped “Yes, being attracted to someone of the same sex, how utterly disgusting” at which point, she had leaned over the bar, grabbed the girl who was serving and kissed her passionately. She then turned back to his father “Very nice to have met you” and walked away. He had followed her outside, it was a cold but beautiful evening. She had turned when she heard him behind her “I’m sorry, that was probably a very bad idea”. He had smiled “It was a fucking terrible idea, you didn’t even give the poor girl your number.” The music drifted to them from inside and, suddenly, he just wanted to dance with her. He had held out his hand which she had seemed to find amusing “Fuck off!”. But she had let him pull her towards him, laying her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. When the music stopped, she had pulled away slightly and looked up at him “Phil…?” But before she could say anything else, he had pulled her back to him and kissed her. If it had ended there, perhaps things would have been ok. But it hadn’t ended there. It had ended in the hotel room. It had ended with them sleeping together. It had ended with him waking up in the morning and finding that she had already left.

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to force the memory away. What had they done? What did it mean? He leaned down and gently brushed her hair away from her face, she looked so peaceful – a million miles away from how she was when he found her less than an hour earlier. It certainly wasn’t the first time that she had pressed the self-destruct button, but this was different. This time, it was his fault.

He had been trying to call her all afternoon but she wasn’t answering. He tried to tell himself that she was busy, she was working on a difficult case, but he knew that was bullshit. It had been immensely awkward working together over the past week, she could barely look at him, and in fairness, he struggled to be around her. Though not because he didn’t want to be. He needed to talk to her, to figure everything out, but he had no idea where to start. He had gone to her flat after work, but there was no answer and her car wasn’t there. He was about to head home when his mobile beeped, it was from her, just three words. “I don’t understand”. He had immediately called her and this time, she answered. She sounded like she had been drinking for a while. He managed to get her to tell him where she was, and he went to find her. She was a mess and had been so angry, she looked at him like she hated him, and it had shocked him how much that had hurt him. He had insisted on taking her home, he couldn’t leave her alone in that state, so he had brought her back to his flat.

The instant they had got through the door, she had pushed him away and dropped to the floor, her head in her hands. He had tried to help her up, but she pushed him away again “Why? Why did you do it? I thought I was safe with you, that you understood! Just when I thought I couldn’t be fucked up anymore. You’re gay Phil! What the fuck?!” He had tried to explain, but he didn’t understand it himself. She had looked at him, the pain evident in her eyes “I can’t do this Phil”, and gone into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

As he watched her sleeping, his eyes watered. He had seen her in pain before but knowing that this time it was down to him was heart breaking. Why had it happened? He felt so guilty, he couldn’t think. He felt a tear running down his cheek. He thought he knew himself so well, he didn’t cry. He had seen horrific things, and however much each one had affected him, he had never cried. He bent down and kissed her softly on the forehead and knew at that moment exactly why it had happened. He loved her.