โIn my restless dreams, I see that town. Silent Hill. You promised me you'd take me there again someday. But because of me, you were never able to. Well, I'm alone there nowโฆ In our โspecial place.โ Waiting for youโฆ" Waiting for you to come to see me. But you never do. And so I wait, wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness. I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for. I wish I could change that, but I can't. I feel so pathetic and ugly lying here, waiting for you...
"People. People. Endless noise. And I am so tired. And I would like to sleep under trees; red ones, blue ones, swirling passionate ones"
โย Alfred Stieglitz,ย My Faraway One: Selected Letters of Georgia O'Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz
"Her heart was made of liquid sunsets". โญโ โ โญ -Virginia Woolf
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Beauty is terror, whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. -The Secret History
To the little girl who faded with the dying light of October, 1922โ My dearest Cecilia, It is with unbearable grief that I write to you. Each passing day, I am forced to reconcile with the weight of your absence, haunted by the silence you left behind. Although it wasnโt my hands that took your life, my heart aches with regretโ because in the silence of my heart, I have convinced myself that it was my fault.
โA lady and her quill, Letters to dead children.
โIf you speak French, you don't know how lucky you are.
Today, I encountered a little black girl who looked frail and seemed timid, and it nearly brought me to tears. There was something in her eyes, a glint of quiet pain, of low self-esteem. She seemed afraid to speak, to take up space, to simply exist in the fullness of who she is. And in that moment, my mind instantly went to my younger sister. And of course, to my younger self. I see so much of myself in my little sister. I love her with everything in me, and I would do whatever it takes to shield her from the cruelty of the worldโfrom my father's rage, from societyโs judgment, from the harshness I was never protected from. I couldnโt save my younger self from all the things that broke me. The things that silenced me, made me shrink, made me feel like I wasnโt enough. So when I see little girls like thatโlike herโI feel this deep, aching need to protect them. I glanced at her multiple times today, and she mightโve thought I was judging her. I wish I couldโve told her I wasnโt. That I cared. That in a world where others might overlook her or treat her like sheโs invisible, I see her. I would be there for her. But I couldnโt say it. Because that would've scared her off. I hope I see her again. Sometimes, I wish I wasnโt this sensitive. I wish I could just numb myself just a little, so I wouldnโt have to feel so deeply all the time. But here I am, writing this with tears in my eyes. Empathy is starting to feel like a curse to me.
โA lady and Her Quill, Journal of wandering thoughts.