My Very Silly Theory Is:

Smith family coffee order HCs, courtesy of yours truly, a former barista

@hazelnut-u-out posted a poll yesterday about whether or not Rick Sanchez is an iced coffee drinker (short answer: yes, but nuance to come) and I realized that I never came up with HCs for the family's coffee orders. I love doing this for fandoms I'm in because I barista-ed for A While and low key miss it sometimes. Anyway, headcanons!!

Rick

So in his tough guy-tortured loner-vigilante phase he was obviously an avid black coffee drinker (usually spiked). Being on the run/not having a place to call one's own he develops a taste for practicality and simplicity. Thus, he likes an easy drink you can get anywhere that is impossible to mess up. However, in a post-"Analyze Piss", post-Prime, 'Rick Sanchez is experiencing new levels of DGAF' world we get into the chaotic beverage enjoyer phase. First off, he has 100% tried every single new special drink that Starbucks rolls out. The summer skies boba thing, the oleato, everything. (He's a big fan of the Irish cream flavor when it comes out seasonally and was pissed the first time when he realized it didn't have alcohol in it.) Because Rick is hugely dopamine seeking so fun colored, fun flavored things always catch his eye. I also feel like he would majorly enjoy specialty coffee shops that do elaborate coffee drinks, like this man would fuck up a cereal milk latte. I also will contend that in this phase he has no regular order, he literally gets a different thing every time just to experiment with as many drinks as possible.

Beth

Drinks flat whites because she thinks they're classy and it's easier to have a simple coffee order for the intern at the vet to take down. I also think that she generally likes mixing caffeine and alcohol (huge espresso martini fan) and probably lost her mind on vodka red bulls in college. She also definitely had a red bull addiction to get through vet school but now she only drinks them as a guilty pleasure.

Space Beth

In honor of the fact that she's recreating her dad's 30s I think she has the same taste in coffee as a young Rick, which means she drinks it black and strong. She seems like an avid French press user and most likely has sourced fancy beans from somewhere in space (Venusian coffee probably fucks)

Jerry

Hot caramel macchiato, but he's convinced that this is the traditional way macchiatos are made and despite multiple arguments about the origins of macchiatos he is staunchly of the opinion that the actual drink is an upside down latte with fuck tons of caramel.

Summer

Pink drink purist, maybe gets matcha cold foam on top when she's feeling fancy. Although I could also see her getting vanilla iced lattes when she wants more caffeine. And if she's with Rick I can imagine her joining him in ordering crazy coffees just for fun.

Morty

Morty Smith is a fourteen year old boy, the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frap was basically made for him. It's just a fucking milkshake with caffeine, although I think that when he's with Beth and Jerry they make him get the crème version.

young rick sanchez's incorrect quotes

can you watch me while the light leaves my eyes

don’t fucking worry about it

Love not having a ”””fandom””” specific blog. Something new will just consume my mind and everyone has to accept it. My house

guys...

this is billford

BILLFORD

he's so adorablejskdikwosooskjzkxjdjwk

Me at any minor inconvenience:

Isnt Conner just an inspiration 😃

wilson would be like "i'm not smart like you but i can hold a conversation with you at least" when house comes to him to bounce ideas off of, not realizing that house thinks of the two of them like this

these pants are crazily low waisted... i know what you are, rick

i love reading people's replies and tags and comments but not in a "obsessed with numbers/placing my value on interactions" way. i mean it in a, "wow. i love this thing so much. and people also love this thing. and they love the thing i made out of love and appreciation i have for said thing and we can love and appreciate it together" way.