So I Was Talking To My Parents At The Beginning Of Break

So I was talking to my parents at the beginning of break

Mom: You're still playing that Skyrim game?

Me: Hey, I'm taking advantage of winter break. Besides, this is a cool game. Like, I can kill dragons, do magic, get married, join factions-

Dad: *from across the room* Get married?

Me: Yeah. And buy houses, too. I can even marry a woman. Like, I could marry my housecarl if I wanted.

Mom: Your what?

Me: Lydia. My housecarl.

Dad: Which is...?

Me: Um, she fights with me, carries my stuff-

Mom: So she's a slave?

Me: ...

Me: No.

Mom: She sounds like a slave.

Dad: What's this about you marrying a slave?

Mom: She's really a slave, right?

Me:

Mom: It seems like a failure of ethics to force your slave to marry you.

Me: But I'm not forcing her to marry me! Once I put on the Amulet of Mara she gets interested in me all on her own!

Dad: So, what, you're not attractive until you put on a fancy-dancy necklace and then force your slave to marry you?

Dad: We've raised her wrong. Keeping a slave, making her do all the dirty work, and then forcing her to get married? Incredible.

Dad: And I suppose then you force her to live with you, too.

Me:

Me:

Me: Fine, then, I'll marry Aela.

Mom: Who's Aela? Another slave?

Me: No, a werewolf. A Companion.

Dad: *throws magazine onto floor* BESTIALITY?

Mom: You're going to marry a wolf? You gonna enslave her too?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: So can I go back to campus now, or do I have to live with this for the next forever and a half?

Dad:

Mom:

Dad:

Mom: *walking into the kitchen with her hands on her head* We've raised a lesbian slave-owner who regularly commits bestiality.

Dad: She's your daughter.