I Used To Like And Identify With My Chosen Name (IRL) Pretty Well, But As Of Lately I Haven't Been Resenting

(okay i want to rant my thoughts here because tumblr and yapping and writing stuff down somewhere and/or posting it helps me actually do something about it or remember. ANYWAYS )

I used to like and identify with my chosen name (IRL) pretty well, but as of lately i haven't been resenting with it as much as i hoped. i'm kinda distancing with it more and here's why

(as if anyone will actually read this)

1: people still associate it fem

like, they would say "oh yeah (chosen name) said she ___" they get the name right but they don't call me "he". i know i could just correct them, and i did for a while, but after a bit, it gets exhausting. i've also had people associate it gender neutral,. "oh yeah she- oh i mean they" like uh. dawg no. dochira demonai. and alongside that, a lot people think i'm nonbinary?? like i just found that out recently and i was like?? ,. ???

2: people keep spelling it wrong, and saying it wrong, and it lowkey annoys me😅

i know that shouldn't matter but. come ONN it doeess. it does.

3: i dont fw it anymore 😞

people change guys . especially when you decide the name at a younger age,.

4: some guy sexualized my name. uh.

wild story, there's a kid on my bus and just today he said that he liked me (he's sexist) (he's straight) him: "i can't resist you🤤" me: "i do not reciprocate" (YEAH YEAH I KNOW THATs SOUNDS ROBOTIC AS FCUK BUT I my brain basically just shuts off after school when i'm not talking to my friends)ANYWAYS his response was somewhere along the lines of "plEASE Please plEAS i'm begging you🥺🥺😭😭😢🙏i can be a worthy man to my woman😏🤓💪" (blehh gross.) i barely know him we don't even go to the same school,. but he always bothers me on the bus in the afternoon)) he then sstarted talking to me weird and acting verrry inappropriate around me and i was sort of just like "okay no thanx 😀" and he kept doing it . then he sexualized my said chosen name (he doesn't know my old one) and like pet talking me and also purposely mispronouncing it and uUGH i don't want to go further into detail.

5: I MIGHT BE STARTING TESTOSTERONE SOON

I'M HIGHKEY EXCITED OH MY GAWWSHH . i feel like with a big change i want even more change to compensate for the . already existing change. uh. (and who knows how much other stuff will change) idk man my brain is weird XD

so yah. lots of reasons. i don't even know what to change it to, but i'm SO leaning on this name that's like. kind of similar to my current one but also not. but i shall explore more. no i wont share it online i just. feel like saying this i guess.

i just realized whenever i have an important post or just a long post in general, i always tend to customize it with the colors n sizes n stuff. that's interesting. i'm gonna keep doing that.